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Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

Narrowed down

2 practices
Shame remove filterMy husband or wife remove filterCoping, mostly remove filterClear all
How long you have
A minute 1Five minutes 1
Who it is written for · My husband or wife
A practitioner 3My husband or wife 2Someone I care about 2Me 1
Where you are right now · Coping, mostly
Coping, mostly 2Struggling right now 2Getting ready for something 1
On your own, or with someone
Both of us together 1Involves someone else 1
Theme · Shame
Staying regulated in conflict 60Knowing your partner 25Answering bids 24Emotions as signals 20Repair after rupture 19Shared spiritual life 17Feelings and focus 16Affection and touch 15Fondness and admiration 15Rebuilding trust 14Rituals of connection 13Listening and understanding 13Gratitude 9What anger actually is 7Bringing the future closer 5Treatment and medication 5Systems for daily life 4Growing empathy 4Equanimity and perspective 4The moment before you snap 4Remembering to do it 3Your nervous system 3Shame 2Your sense of time 2What you are actually defending 2Get started 2Use your strengths 1What ADHD actually is 1When you go numb 1Choosing your response 1Practising under provocation 1
When
Any ordinary day 1Coming and going 1

When someone tells you they have failed, the most useful thing you can do is nothing clever. Let your face stay soft and keep looking at them.

Shame is braced for disgust, so it reads your face before it hears your words. A quick reassurance can even land as a rush to move on. Slower is…

A minuteShameEmotionally focusedQur’an 93:3

You did not choose which things hurt you. Where you are tender was set long before you had any say in it, and the only live question is what you do with it now.

This is worth saying out loud between two people, because each usually thinks their own soft spot is embarrassing and the other's is obvious. Try…

Five minutesShameEmotionally focusedQur’an 30:54

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.