Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

Narrowed down

7 practices

Tolerate distress A practitioner Coping, mostly Clear all

How long you have

A minute 3 Five minutes 3 Twenty minutes 1

Who it is written for · A practitioner

Me 9 A practitioner 7 Someone I care about 5

Where you are right now · Coping, mostly

Struggling right now 13 Coping, mostly 7 Getting ready for something 4

On your own, or with someone

On my own 5 Involves someone else 2

Theme · Tolerate distress

Medication and how it works 103Systems for daily life 67 Getting assessed and diagnosed 63 Your nervous system 61 What anger actually is 54 Moving your body 48 Equanimity and perspective 46 Get started 44 The fear underneath anger 42 Exercise, food and other supports 41 The moment before you snap 39 Your sense of time 39 Choosing your response 38 Touch and bodywork 38 Feelings and focus 37 Bringing the future closer 36 Treatment and medication 36 When everything feels flat 32 Screens and attention 31 What ADHD actually is 30 Growing empathy 27 Grounding and settling 27 The cost of avoiding 25 Structure and routine 24 What worry does 23 Food, caffeine and fuel 23 Practising under provocation 22 Treatment and medication 20 Cool the body first 20 Emotions as signals 20 Making it stick 19 Breathing 19 What you are actually defending 18 Being seen and judged 17 Righteous anger and perfectionism 16 Breaking the worry loop 14 Shame and stigma 14 Feeling from the inside 12 When you use something to cope 11 When anger turns to harm 11 Reading, numbers and learning differences 10 Remembering to do it 10 Facing it a step at a time 9 Tolerate distress 7 Self-compassion 7 Anger, alcohol and the body 6 Use your strengths 6 Obsessions and compulsions 6 Posture and how you carry yourself 4 Shame 3 Panic and the body 3 Question the thought 2 Rest and pacing 2 When you go numb 1 Living with uncertainty 1

Approach

Body based 4 DBT skills 3

When

Any ordinary day 5 After a row 1 Under stress 1

Wise mind is not a calmer version of you. It is the state where what you feel and what you have thought through are both in the room, and neither has thrown the other out.

In practice it means you can feel the heat in your chest and still choose the next sentence. Neither half is the enemy: pure logic talks you out of…

A minuteTolerate distressDBT skillsQur’an 12:18

Before telling someone what you have noticed about them, ask whether they want it. Do you mind if I offer something back to you? Then describe only what you saw, plainly.

Close attention is not neutral for a person who grew up being watched for a reason. Asking first turns being observed into something they agreed to,…

A minuteTolerate distressBody basedQur’an 52:48

Say it plainly: my anger is allowed here. It is a healthy feeling and it is usually the thing telling me where a line should go.

For anyone who learned that their anger made them dangerous or unlovable, it now arrives with shame attached, and the shame is what turns it into…

A minuteTolerate distressBody basedQur’an 2:214

A calming skill handed over at the wrong moment reads as your anger is not welcome here. For someone taught as a child that their anger was unacceptable, that is the old prohibition arriving again in kinder clothes.

Let the anger be seen first. Say that it makes sense, that there is a reason for it, and only then offer anything that settles the body. The order…

Five minutesTolerate distressDBT skillsQur’an 2:45

Accepting reality as it is means dropping the fight with what has already happened. It does not mean staying somewhere that is still harming you.

The two get confused often, usually by people who were told to be patient by whoever benefited from their patience. A rough test: acceptance is for…

Five minutesTolerate distressDBT skillsQur’an 39:10

Watch for the small thing that happens right as a feeling starts: the reach for a tissue, the laugh, the change of subject. Notice it once and say nothing, notice it again, and only then mention it.

One instance is an incident and three is a pattern, and the difference matters when you name it, because a pattern can be looked at together without…

Five minutesTolerate distressBody basedQur’an 12:83

Ask what you were taught about crying, about anger, about needing anything. Not what you believe now, but what you were told then, in the words that were actually used.

Most rules about feelings were installed rather than chosen, and once you can hear the original sentence, boys do not cry, do not be so sensitive, it…

Twenty minutesTolerate distressBody basedQur’an 3:186

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.