Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

Narrowed down

6 practices

The fear underneath anger Twenty minutes Me Clear all

How long you have · Twenty minutes

A minute 21 Five minutes 27 Twenty minutes 6 Longer 4

Who it is written for · Me

A practitioner 6 Me 6 Someone I care about 4

Where you are right now

Coping, mostly 4 Getting ready for something 2

On your own, or with someone

On my own 5 Both of us together 1

Theme · The fear underneath anger

Systems for daily life 38 Medication and how it works 26 Moving your body 24 Get started 17 Your nervous system 14 Feelings and focus 14 What ADHD actually is 13 Treatment and medication 12 Food, caffeine and fuel 11 Your sense of time 10 What anger actually is 9 Screens and attention 9 Bringing the future closer 9 Getting assessed and diagnosed 8 The moment before you snap 8 Shared spiritual life 7 Tolerate distress 6 Touch and bodywork 6 Grounding and settling 6 The fear underneath anger 6 Cool the body first 6 Breaking the worry loop 5 When you use something to cope 5 Emotions as signals 5 Staying regulated in conflict 5 Exercise, food and other supports 5 Breathing 5 Shame 5 Facing it a step at a time 5 Repair after rupture 4 Choosing your response 4 Growing empathy 4 Rituals of connection 4 Remembering to do it 4 Being seen and judged 4 Rebuilding trust 3 Practising under provocation 3 Righteous anger and perfectionism 3 When everything feels flat 3 Shame and stigma 3 Knowing your partner 3 Use your strengths 3 What worry does 3 Equanimity and perspective 3 The cost of avoiding 3 Anger, alcohol and the body 3 Structure and routine 2 When anger turns to harm 2 Letting it out safely 2 Answering bids 2 Posture and how you carry yourself 2 Making it stick 2 Feeling from the inside 2 Question the thought 1 Keep the bond 1 What you are actually defending 1 Living with uncertainty 1 Treatment and medication 1 Listen to the body 1 Safety and grounding 1 Rest and pacing 1 Care for yourself in loss 1 Obsessions and compulsions 1

Approach

Core 5 Trauma informed 1

When

Any ordinary day 5 After a row 1

If anger runs on the fear system, then the things that settle fear are worth trying on anger: staying in the room a bit longer, letting your body come down before you speak, going back over the story you told yourself about what was happening.

Most anger advice is about clamping down, and clamping down on something frightened rarely holds for long. Treating it as fear gives you gentler…

Twenty minutesThe fear underneath angerCoreQur’an 20:68

Think of the reaction as a small program sitting quietly, waiting for one particular condition. It is not running all the time, and which condition wakes it is a question with an answer.

Keep a short list for a few weeks. Only what was happening in the ten seconds before: a tone of voice, being interrupted, somebody standing over you…

Twenty minutesThe fear underneath angerTrauma informedQur’an 30:8

Triggers come in different kinds. Some are about life and limb, some are things you learned to dread such as criticism or being shown up, and some are abstractions like unfairness. What helps depends on which kind you are dealing with.

Real danger needs a plan and usually other people, not a breathing exercise. A learned dread tends to ease by going near it more often in small doses…

Twenty minutesThe fear underneath angerCoreQur’an 20:112

Some of the fights you take up for other people are your own old fight, unfinished, borrowed onto somebody else's ground.

The signs are recognisable: the heat is out of proportion, you cannot let it go afterwards, and the person you were defending never asked you to.…

Twenty minutesThe fear underneath angerCoreQur’an 28:10

Ask what has been done to this person, not only what they have done. Old harm decides which ordinary things now register as a threat.

Reactions that look wildly out of proportion usually are not, once you know what the moment resembled. A hand raised near a face, a certain tone,…

Twenty minutesThe fear underneath angerCoreQur’an 33:58

Follow the chain. The anger points at a fear, and the fear points at what you believe is at stake. That last thing is what you are actually dealing with.

Once it has passed, ask what you were afraid of in that moment, then ask whether the threat was really there. Being spoken over is not the same as…

Twenty minutesThe fear underneath angerCoreQur’an 21:87

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