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Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

Narrowed down

9 practices
Tolerate distress remove filterMe remove filterCoping, mostly remove filterClear all
How long you have
A minute 3Five minutes 5Twenty minutes 1
Who it is written for · Me
Me 9A practitioner 7Someone I care about 5
Where you are right now · Coping, mostly
Struggling right now 13Coping, mostly 9Getting ready for something 4
On your own, or with someone
On my own 8Involves someone else 1
Theme · Tolerate distress
Medication and how it works 91Systems for daily life 60Staying regulated in conflict 60Your nervous system 54What anger actually is 50Get started 47Equanimity and perspective 44Choosing your response 44The moment before you snap 43Moving your body 42Bringing the future closer 41The fear underneath anger 39Your sense of time 34Feelings and focus 32Touch and bodywork 31Exercise, food and other supports 28Growing empathy 26Knowing your partner 25Getting assessed and diagnosed 25When everything feels flat 24Food, caffeine and fuel 24Answering bids 24Grounding and settling 24Treatment and medication 22Practising under provocation 22Screens and attention 20What ADHD actually is 20Repair after rupture 19Structure and routine 19Cool the body first 19What you are actually defending 19Being seen and judged 18Breathing 18Making it stick 18Shared spiritual life 17Rebuilding trust 17Affection and touch 15Fondness and admiration 15What worry does 15Treatment and medication 15Emotions as signals 14Breaking the worry loop 13Remembering to do it 13Rituals of connection 13Listening and understanding 13Shame and stigma 12Righteous anger and perfectionism 12Feeling from the inside 12When you use something to cope 9Tolerate distress 9Gratitude 9Self-compassion 8Use your strengths 8Facing it a step at a time 6Anger, alcohol and the body 6Question the thought 5Posture and how you carry yourself 4Meaning after harm 4Safety and grounding 4When anger turns to harm 3Act on your values 3Working with anger 3Your worth is not conditional 3Notice the pattern and flex 3Name what you feel 3Let the wave come 3Calm the body 3Face it gently 2Patience and trust 2Care for yourself in loss 2Ride the urge 2Rest and pacing 2Find meaning 2Your window of tolerance 2Work with your brain 2Obsessions and compulsions 2The cost of avoiding 2Listen to the body 2Ask and say no well 2Keep the bond 2Hold a boundary 2Help someone grieving 2Get it out of your head 2Validate yourself and others 2Panic and the body 1Reading, numbers and learning differences 1When you go numb 1Living with uncertainty 1Shame 1
Approach
DBT skills 4Body based 3Mindfulness 2
When
Under stress 4Any ordinary day 4After a row 1

Tell yourself the true thing: this feeling is real, and it is temporary. No state lasts. Ride it out.

You do not have to fix it right now. You only have to outlast it. Feelings crest and fall like weather.

A minuteTolerate distressMindfulnessQur’an 93:5

Wise mind is not a calmer version of you. It is the state where what you feel and what you have thought through are both in the room, and neither has thrown the other out.

In practice it means you can feel the heat in your chest and still choose the next sentence. Neither half is the enemy: pure logic talks you out of…

A minuteTolerate distressDBT skillsQur’an 12:18

Say it plainly: my anger is allowed here. It is a healthy feeling and it is usually the thing telling me where a line should go.

For anyone who learned that their anger made them dangerous or unlovable, it now arrives with shame attached, and the shame is what turns it into…

A minuteTolerate distressBody basedQur’an 2:214

Stop fighting what already is. Accepting a hard reality, without approving of it, ends the extra layer of pain.

Saying it is so is not the same as saying it is fine. Dropping the war with what already happened frees you to respond.

Five minutesTolerate distressDBT skillsQur’an 64:11

Soothe yourself through the senses: a warm drink, a soft cloth, a good scent, a slow walk. Be kind to the body.

When you cannot fix the feeling, comfort the one who is feeling it. Small kindnesses to the body settle the mind.

Five minutesTolerate distressMindfulnessQur’an 93:6

A calming skill handed over at the wrong moment reads as your anger is not welcome here. For someone taught as a child that their anger was unacceptable, that is the old prohibition arriving again in kinder clothes.

Let the anger be seen first. Say that it makes sense, that there is a reason for it, and only then offer anything that settles the body. The order…

Five minutesTolerate distressDBT skillsQur’an 2:45

Accepting reality as it is means dropping the fight with what has already happened. It does not mean staying somewhere that is still harming you.

The two get confused often, usually by people who were told to be patient by whoever benefited from their patience. A rough test: acceptance is for…

Five minutesTolerate distressDBT skillsQur’an 39:10

Watch for the small thing that happens right as a feeling starts: the reach for a tissue, the laugh, the change of subject. Notice it once and say nothing, notice it again, and only then mention it.

One instance is an incident and three is a pattern, and the difference matters when you name it, because a pattern can be looked at together without…

Five minutesTolerate distressBody basedQur’an 12:83

Ask what you were taught about crying, about anger, about needing anything. Not what you believe now, but what you were told then, in the words that were actually used.

Most rules about feelings were installed rather than chosen, and once you can hear the original sentence, boys do not cry, do not be so sensitive, it…

Twenty minutesTolerate distressBody basedQur’an 3:186

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.