Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

Narrowed down

7 practices

The cost of avoiding Me Clear all

How long you have

A minute 2 Five minutes 2 Twenty minutes 3

Who it is written for · Me

A practitioner 43 Someone I care about 41 Me 7

Where you are right now

Struggling right now 3 Getting ready for something 2 Coping, mostly 2

On your own, or with someone

Involves someone else 6 On my own 1

Theme · The cost of avoiding

Medication and how it works 155Your nervous system 113Systems for daily life 103What anger actually is 89 The moment before you snap 88 Choosing your response 81 Get started 73 Grounding and settling 67 Equanimity and perspective 66 Moving your body 63 Cool the body first 61 Staying regulated in conflict 60 Food, caffeine and fuel 59 Feelings and focus 58 The fear underneath anger 58 Bringing the future closer 58 Your sense of time 58 Touch and bodywork 56 Getting assessed and diagnosed 50 What ADHD actually is 48 Exercise, food and other supports 46 Practising under provocation 46 When everything feels flat 44 Treatment and medication 42 Screens and attention 40 Growing empathy 34 Breathing 34 Being seen and judged 30 Shame and stigma 30 Making it stick 30 Structure and routine 28 Remembering to do it 26 Tolerate distress 26 Knowing your partner 25 Treatment and medication 25 What worry does 25 Answering bids 24 Breaking the worry loop 23 What you are actually defending 23 Feeling from the inside 23 When you use something to cope 22 Emotions as signals 22 Repair after rupture 19 Facing it a step at a time 18 Shared spiritual life 17 Rebuilding trust 17 Fondness and admiration 15 Affection and touch 15 Obsessions and compulsions 14 Shame 13 Posture and how you carry yourself 13 Listening and understanding 13 Righteous anger and perfectionism 13 Rituals of connection 13 Self-compassion 12 Question the thought 11 Use your strengths 10 Gratitude 9 Anger, alcohol and the body 8 The cost of avoiding 7 Rest and pacing 5 Living with uncertainty 5 When you go numb 5 When anger turns to harm 5 Meaning after harm 4 Letting it out safely 4 Safety and grounding 4 Panic and the body 3 Name what you feel 3 Calm the body 3 Notice the pattern and flex 3 Let the wave come 3 Your worth is not conditional 3 Act on your values 3 Working with anger 3 Get it out of your head 2 Ride the urge 2 Patience and trust 2 Validate yourself and others 2 Your window of tolerance 2 Work with your brain 2 Find meaning 2 Face it gently 2 Listen to the body 2 Reading, numbers and learning differences 2 Care for yourself in loss 2 Keep the bond 2 Hold a boundary 2 Ask and say no well 2 Help someone grieving 2

When

Under stress 3 Any ordinary day 3 Coming and going 1

Avoiding something makes today easier and tomorrow harder. Say that plainly, to yourself and to whoever is in it with you.

Without that sentence, asking someone to face a frightening thing looks like cruelty, and every conversation about it goes badly. With it, the choice…

A minuteThe cost of avoidingCBTQur’an 62:8

Anxiety is the most common mental health difficulty of childhood, with something like a third of young people meeting the threshold at some point and a smaller group badly held back by it. Both halves of that are worth saying.

The first half is for the shame: this is ordinary, and keeping it secret is its own kind of avoiding. The second half is so that nobody hears…

A minuteThe cost of avoidingCBTQur’an 39:53

Some people are not scared of the day, they are flattened by it. Staying home lifts the weight for an hour, then removes the few good things the day still held.

Low mood makes school heavy rather than dangerous: no energy, no interest, everything asking too much. Staying away helps at first and then takes…

Five minutesThe cost of avoidingCBTQur’an 94:7

There is a particular good feeling in getting out of something you were dreading. Give it a name at home, because it is exactly what makes tomorrow harder.

Children recognise this straight away when it is put plainly: the lovely feeling when you find out you do not have to go. Adults know it too, in the…

Five minutesThe cost of avoidingCBTQur’an 3:142

The first day back is worse than the weeks before it, not better. Plan for that spike rather than letting it take you by surprise.

Anxiety climbs as the return gets close and peaks somewhere near the doorway, then it comes down, but only for someone who stays long enough to find…

Twenty minutesThe cost of avoidingCBTQur’an 2:155

When the fear is about being seen, being asked, being judged, you can build the steps out of real moments: the doorway, the corridor, the dining hall, answering once in a lesson.

Fear of a whole building cannot be practised. Fear of walking into the dining hall at half past twelve can. Make each step small enough to be boring…

Twenty minutesThe cost of avoidingCBTQur’an 90:11

Whoever is standing in the hall at half past seven needs to understand the trap as well as the child does. A plan agreed on a Tuesday afternoon will not survive a Wednesday morning otherwise.

In the moment it is happening, a parent is not weighing up what gets learned over a term. They are trying to end the distress in front of them, and…

Twenty minutesThe cost of avoidingCBTQur’an 20:114

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.