Practices

When somebody says they just get on with it, take the getting on with it seriously. That is the door, and arguing with the nothing is a wall.

This happens a lot, I just roll with it, I forget about it: there is a whole strategy in that sentence and it is visible, unlike the feeling…

Go long enough without company and almost anyone will do. That is worth knowing about yourself, and worth watching for in someone who lives alone.

Loneliness does not make you a poor judge of character on purpose. It just lowers the bar until whoever turns up seems fine. The steadier answer is…

After years of feeling slightly outside every room, pulling back stops being a decision and becomes the setting you live at. Worth knowing about yourself before you conclude that you are simply not a people person.

If you are supporting or treating someone with ADHD, assume the connection has to be built rather than already there, and do not read the flatness…

Being far apart is not the same as being out of touch. What usually stops contact is the question of who starts it, not the miles.

Distance turns into disconnection when both people wait for the other one. It helps to fix a when rather than promising to speak soon. The same…

On a video call, two things still work well: touching your own face gently, and rocking. Both are yours to do, and both are visible enough to be done together.

Distance takes away most of what one person can offer another physically, so it helps to know what survives it. A hand resting on your cheek, fingers…

If you want a way back in with a teenager who has gone quiet, ask them to show you the game. Not to assess it. Just to be shown something they are good at.

It works because it asks almost nothing of them. No eye contact, no explaining how they feel, no returning to whatever the last argument was about.…

Pick one series and watch it together on the same evening each week. The point is not the programme. It is that something puts the two of you in the same room on purpose.

With an older teenager or a young adult, a set night can carry a relationship through stretches when talking is hard. Some weeks you will pause it…

Pulling away from people sits upstream of a good deal: low mood, social fear, and the slow shrinking of where someone is willing to go. Whatever the eventual label, getting a person back into contact is rarely wasted work.

You do not need the diagnosis settled before you start. One regular arrangement with one person, at a fixed time, somewhere easy to reach, does work…

You do not need other people to reach a settled state. Breath, a slow walk somewhere green, a cat asleep on your lap: all of them get you there.

The name social engagement system makes it sound as though company is the only door, which is bleak if you are isolated, and worse if people are the…