Practices
Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.
Narrowed down
46 practicesHow long you have
Who it is written for · Someone I care about
Where you are right now
On your own, or with someone
Theme · Cool the body first
Approach
Anger numbs. If it is doing the work of a painkiller for you, it will be hard to put down while the pain underneath is still untreated.
Ask what tends to be there in the half hour before you flare: a bit of shame, feeling small, an old fear about being left. The anger often arrives to…
Squeeze the hand, hold it for a few seconds, then let it go slowly. The letting go is where the calm is, and it works better once you have practised the long version.
Full muscle relaxation, working through the body group by group, takes about twenty minutes and is worth doing a handful of times. Once your body…
Shouting it out does not empty the tank. Going over it loudly, in your head or at somebody, tends to keep the anger topped up rather than draining it.
There is a difference between letting pressure out of the body and rehearsing the grievance. A walk, a swim, hard cleaning, prayer: all of that…
Anger leaves fuel in the body with nowhere to go. Spend it on something physical, without replaying the argument while you do.
This is not getting it off your chest. The target is the surplus energy, so stairs, a brisk walk, or a hard ten minutes of almost anything will do…
Movement can settle you or wind you further up, and the difference is mostly what your mind is doing while you move.
Pacing the kitchen while you build the case against someone keeps the whole system revved. The same twenty minutes spent counting breaths or noticing…
Automatic is not the enemy. An out of date automatic is. The aim is to practise the calmer response until it runs on its own, the way the old one already does.
At the start it feels artificial, and it should. You are choosing deliberately what the other response does for free. Give it enough repetitions and…
Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.