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Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

Narrowed down

4 practices
What you are actually defending remove filterA minute remove filterUnder stress remove filterClear all
How long you have · A minute
A minute 4Five minutes 1
Who it is written for
Me 4A practitioner 3Someone I care about 3My husband or wife 1
Where you are right now
Coping, mostly 3Struggling right now 1
On your own, or with someone
On my own 3Involves someone else 1
Theme · What you are actually defending
The moment before you snap 22Cool the body first 21Choosing your response 21What anger actually is 16Grounding and settling 15The fear underneath anger 13Staying regulated in conflict 12Equanimity and perspective 10Your nervous system 9Answering bids 8Practising under provocation 6Affection and touch 6Touch and bodywork 5What you are actually defending 4Tolerate distress 4Bringing the future closer 4Making it stick 4Feelings and focus 4Safety and grounding 3Knowing your partner 3When everything feels flat 3The cost of avoiding 3Name what you feel 3What worry does 3Treatment and medication 3Shame 3Meaning after harm 2Being seen and judged 2Breathing 2Calm the body 2Food, caffeine and fuel 2Emotions as signals 2Feeling from the inside 2Let the wave come 2Patience and trust 2Question the thought 2Ride the urge 2Righteous anger and perfectionism 2Shame and stigma 2Working with anger 2Validate yourself and others 1Treatment and medication 1Your window of tolerance 1Care for yourself in loss 1Breaking the worry loop 1Shared spiritual life 1Your sense of time 1Repair after rupture 1Rebuild trust 1Posture and how you carry yourself 1Panic and the body 1Obsessions and compulsions 1Medication and how it works 1Act on your values 1Listen to the body 1Getting assessed and diagnosed 1Facing it a step at a time 1Letting it out safely 1Growing empathy 1Systems for daily life 1What ADHD actually is 1
Approach
Core 2Mindfulness 2
When · Under stress
Under stress 4Any ordinary day 2

Disrespect is a paper tiger. It comes at you looking like something, and it has never once actually done you any damage.

Worth noticing what your body does anyway. The heart goes, the jaw sets, and you get ready as though something physical were about to happen. The…

A minuteWhat you are actually defendingCoreQur’an 25:63

When your thinking comes back online mid-argument, say so and offer a restart. I could feel myself getting defensive and this is not helping either of us, shall we try that again?

Most people escalate sometimes. The skill worth having is not never starting but knowing how to get out once you have. Naming it yourself gives the…

A minuteWhat you are actually defendingCoreQur’an 12:92

Anger and doubt cannot really occupy the same moment. Anger sharpens everything to a point, and a genuine maybe blunts it.

This is why an honest question does more than an argument. Not a challenge, which hardens things, but a real one: what if I have got part of this…

A minuteWhat you are actually defendingMindfulnessQur’an 2:206

Not understanding what is happening frightens a person before it angers them. If you flare up when a situation is unclear, you are meeting something very old in yourself rather than a fault you invented.

Watch the order of it next time. First the blank, the not knowing what this means or where it is going, then a tightening in the chest or jaw, then…

A minuteWhat you are actually defendingMindfulnessQur’an 17:36

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.