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Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

Narrowed down

9 practices
Twenty minutes remove filterCoping, mostly remove filterUnder stress remove filterClear all
Area
Your marriage 3Anger 3Worry and anxiety 2Focus, starting, and ADHD 1
How long you have · Twenty minutes
A minute 146Five minutes 66Twenty minutes 9Longer 2
Who it is written for
Me 9Someone I care about 6A practitioner 6My husband or wife 3
Where you are right now · Coping, mostly
Struggling right now 40Coping, mostly 9Getting ready for something 1
On your own, or with someone
Involves someone else 5On my own 4
Theme
Cool the body first 2Staying regulated in conflict 2The cost of avoiding 1Answering bids 1Facing it a step at a time 1Getting assessed and diagnosed 1Making it stick 1
Approach
Gottman 3Body based 2CBT 2Core 1ADHD skills 1
When · Under stress
Any ordinary day 225After a row 19Under stress 9In a change 6Something good 2When apart 2Coming and going 2

Once today, ask about a stress from outside the two of you, then just listen. No fixing.

Twenty minutes on their side. Your only job is to understand and be on their team.

Twenty minutesAnswering bidsGottmanQur’an 30:21

When the fear is about being seen, being asked, being judged, you can build the steps out of real moments: the doorway, the corridor, the dining hall, answering once in a lesson.

Fear of a whole building cannot be practised. Fear of walking into the dining hall at half past twelve can. Make each step small enough to be boring…

Twenty minutesThe cost of avoidingCBTQur’an 90:11

If you go silent and shut down, do not just stonewall. Say you need a break, and come back when calm.

Silent withdrawal makes it worse. Name that you are overwhelmed, take twenty minutes, then re-engage.

Twenty minutesStaying regulated in conflictGottmanQur’an 25:63

When either of you floods, take a real break of at least twenty minutes before continuing, and agree when to return.

Past a certain heat the body cannot hear reason. Stop, settle, and come back at the time you set.

Twenty minutesStaying regulated in conflictGottmanQur’an 2:45

Squeeze the hand, hold it for a few seconds, then let it go slowly. The letting go is where the calm is, and it works better once you have practised the long version.

Full muscle relaxation, working through the body group by group, takes about twenty minutes and is worth doing a handful of times. Once your body…

Twenty minutesCool the body firstBody basedQur’an 20:14

Movement can settle you or wind you further up, and the difference is mostly what your mind is doing while you move.

Pacing the kitchen while you build the case against someone keeps the whole system revved. The same twenty minutes spent counting breaths or noticing…

Twenty minutesCool the body firstBody basedQur’an 13:28

When something frightens you the mind offers one option: do not go. Force out two or three more before judging any of them, daft ones included. Choosing needs something to choose between.

There is an order that works. Say what the problem actually is, in one sentence. List some options without weighing them yet. Then go through what is…

Twenty minutesFacing it a step at a timeCBTQur’an 12:87

Attention and impulse problems that appear for the first time in middle age or later are not ADHD arriving late. They need a doctor to look, not a prescription.

Several conditions affecting the frontal lobes can show up first as new disinhibition, poor judgement or a change in personality, and some are…

Twenty minutesGetting assessed and diagnosedADHD skillsQur’an 21:7

Knowing something calmly and feeling it are two separate achievements, and the second takes longer. If you can say the reasonable thing but it does not touch how you feel, you are partway, not failing.

The gap does not close by arguing with yourself harder. It closes by living it: doing the practice in real situations, in your body, while the…

Twenty minutesMaking it stickCoreQur’an 87:8

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.