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Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

Narrowed down

8 practices
What anger actually is remove filterCoping, mostly remove filterUnder stress remove filterClear all
How long you have
A minute 7Five minutes 1
Who it is written for
A practitioner 8Me 6Someone I care about 5
Where you are right now · Coping, mostly
Struggling right now 12Coping, mostly 8
On your own, or with someone
On my own 6Involves someone else 2
Theme · What anger actually is
Staying regulated in conflict 20Choosing your response 17The fear underneath anger 14The moment before you snap 14Cool the body first 12Your nervous system 11Answering bids 9Feelings and focus 8Equanimity and perspective 8What anger actually is 8Touch and bodywork 7Affection and touch 6Knowing your partner 5Practising under provocation 4What you are actually defending 4Making it stick 4Getting assessed and diagnosed 4Tolerate distress 4Facing it a step at a time 4Let the wave come 3When anger turns to harm 3Listening and understanding 3Calm the body 3Name what you feel 3Safety and grounding 3Working with anger 3Ride the urge 2When everything feels flat 2Feeling from the inside 2Grounding and settling 2Rebuild trust 2Question the thought 2The cost of avoiding 2Patience and trust 2Emotions as signals 2Righteous anger and perfectionism 2Meaning after harm 2Shame and stigma 1Breathing 1Bringing the future closer 1Care for yourself in loss 1When you use something to cope 1Food, caffeine and fuel 1Growing empathy 1Listen to the body 1Medication and how it works 1Obsessions and compulsions 1Repair after rupture 1Shame 1Act on your values 1Shared spiritual life 1Validate yourself and others 1What worry does 1Your window of tolerance 1
When · Under stress
Any ordinary day 37After a row 13Under stress 8In a change 2

When somebody insists angrily that they do not care, they usually care a great deal. The heat is the giveaway.

Indifference does not raise its voice. Answer the words and you get an argument about whether they care. Answer the caring underneath and you often…

A minuteWhat anger actually isCoreQur’an 17:11

What overpowered Darwin at that glass was not the snake. It was his picture of what the snake was about to do, and that is usually what overpowers you too.

Which is oddly hopeful. The thing driving the reaction is a reading of the situation, and readings can be slowed, questioned and sometimes corrected…

A minuteWhat anger actually isCoreQur’an 5:8

There is movement inside the word emotion, which turns out to be a fair description. Something starts moving in you before you have named anything.

The early signs are physical: breath shortening, jaw setting, a leg going, hands doing something they were not doing a minute ago. People who learn…

A minuteWhat anger actually isCoreQur’an 70:20

The nervous system grows in the womb out of the same layer as your skin. Sensing and being touched come from one origin, which is part of why threat is felt on the surface of you.

The biology does not have to be exact for the picture to be useful. Attention paid to the surface, the temperature of your hands, the tightness…

A minuteWhat anger actually isCoreQur’an 70:20

There is a dense network of nerves lining the gut, which is part of why a bad feeling turns up in your stomach before you can say what is wrong.

Take it as information without treating it as a verdict. A tightening gut might mean real danger, or an old pattern recognised, or that you have not…

A minuteWhat anger actually isCoreQur’an 91:8

Anger shown early sometimes stops things going further. A clear no at the start can prevent the whole conversation that would have ended much worse.

Plenty of people learned this the hard way and they are not wrong: visible anger draws a line, and lines get respected. What is worth adding is the…

A minuteWhat anger actually isCoreQur’an 42:41

Part of what makes anger attractive is how simple it makes everything. Working out who was right and what to do next is slow and uncertain, and anger hands you an answer straight away.

Escalating is genuinely easier than resolving, which is why it wins so often when you are tired. Seen that way it is not a flaw in your character but…

A minuteWhat anger actually isCoreQur’an 17:11

People say true things when they are angry, even when they say them badly. Listen past the delivery for what is being defended.

Keeping face takes effort, and anger spends the effort elsewhere, so what comes out is closer to the bone than the careful version would have been.…

Five minutesWhat anger actually isCoreQur’an 4:148

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.