Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

Narrowed down

5 practices

Shame A minute Clear all

How long you have · A minute

A minute 5 Five minutes 7 Twenty minutes 6 Longer 1

Who it is written for

A practitioner 5 Someone I care about 4 Me 2 My husband or wife 1

Where you are right now

Struggling right now 3 Coping, mostly 2

On your own, or with someone

Both of us together 3 On my own 2

Theme · Shame

Staying regulated in conflict 46 The moment before you snap 39 Choosing your response 36 Cool the body first 34 Grounding and settling 28 What anger actually is 26 Your nervous system 25 Medication and how it works 25 Systems for daily life 24 Bringing the future closer 22 The fear underneath anger 22 Answering bids 22 Get started 20 Treatment and medication 18 Equanimity and perspective 17 Your sense of time 17 Structure and routine 16 Fondness and admiration 15 Practising under provocation 14 Growing empathy 14 Making it stick 14 Knowing your partner 14 Affection and touch 14 Repair after rupture 13 Touch and bodywork 13 Feelings and focus 12 Food, caffeine and fuel 11 Getting assessed and diagnosed 11 Moving your body 9 Exercise, food and other supports 9 Breathing 9 When everything feels flat 9 The cost of avoiding 9 Gratitude 9 Treatment and medication 8 What ADHD actually is 8 Listening and understanding 8 Being seen and judged 8 Tolerate distress 8 Screens and attention 7 Remembering to do it 7 What worry does 6 What you are actually defending 6 Shared spiritual life 6 Rituals of connection 6 Shame and stigma 6 Feeling from the inside 5 Emotions as signals 5 Shame 5 Posture and how you carry yourself 5 Rebuilding trust 5 Self-compassion 4 Question the thought 4 Name what you feel 3 Obsessions and compulsions 3 Facing it a step at a time 3 When you use something to cope 3 Safety and grounding 3 When anger turns to harm 2 Notice the pattern and flex 2 Panic and the body 2 Patience and trust 2 Ride the urge 2 Righteous anger and perfectionism 2 Let the wave come 2 Reading, numbers and learning differences 2 Hold a boundary 2 Validate yourself and others 2 Working with anger 2 Breaking the worry loop 2 Your worth is not conditional 2 Calm the body 2 Meaning after harm 2 Face it gently 1 Letting it out safely 1 Your window of tolerance 1 Help someone grieving 1 Keep the bond 1 Care for yourself in loss 1 Anger, alcohol and the body 1 Listen to the body 1 Rest and pacing 1 When you go numb 1 Ask and say no well 1 Act on your values 1 Get it out of your head 1

Approach

Trauma informed 4 Emotionally focused 1

When

Under stress 3 Any ordinary day 1 Coming and going 1

When someone tells you they have failed, the most useful thing you can do is nothing clever. Let your face stay soft and keep looking at them.

Shame is braced for disgust, so it reads your face before it hears your words. A quick reassurance can even land as a rush to move on. Slower is…

A minuteShameEmotionally focusedQur’an 93:3

Shame is visible before it is spoken. Shallow breath, eyes down, shoulders curling in, a voice gone small: the body says it first.

Learn your own version so you can catch it early, and learn to spot it in others without pointing at it like a diagnosis. When you notice the…

A minuteShameTrauma informedQur’an 20:121

When someone's shame fills the room, check your own state before you say anything. If you start to shrink, or to worry that you are handling this badly, they will feel it.

Shame is catching. The particular risk is a quiet spiral of your own, along the lines of I am no good at this, which pulls you out of the room at the…

A minuteShameTrauma informedQur’an 53:32

Change the sentence from 'I am bad' to 'I am feeling bad right now'. It is a small grammatical move and it changes what you are actually dealing with.

One is a permanent description of you, the other is weather. Weather you can wait out, describe, get curious about, tell someone about. Try saying…

A minuteShameTrauma informedQur’an 6:54

With someone carrying old shame, ask about the closeness itself. Is it alright that I am sitting here with you? Would a bit more space help? Then adjust, and let them see you adjust.

Small changes work best. Shifting your chair back slightly, looking away for a moment, softening your voice, then checking what that was like for…

A minuteShameTrauma informedQur’an 20:122

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.