Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

Narrowed down

6 practices

The fear underneath anger Twenty minutes Clear all

How long you have · Twenty minutes

A minute 22 Five minutes 29 Twenty minutes 6 Longer 4

Who it is written for

A practitioner 6 Me 6 Someone I care about 4

Where you are right now

Coping, mostly 4 Getting ready for something 2

On your own, or with someone

On my own 5 Both of us together 1

Theme · The fear underneath anger

Systems for daily life 38 Medication and how it works 30 Moving your body 26 Treatment and medication 19 Screens and attention 18 What ADHD actually is 17 Get started 17 Getting assessed and diagnosed 17 Feelings and focus 16 The cost of avoiding 15 Your nervous system 14 Reading, numbers and learning differences 14 Food, caffeine and fuel 11 Exercise, food and other supports 10 What anger actually is 10 Your sense of time 10 Bringing the future closer 9 The moment before you snap 8 Touch and bodywork 8 Shared spiritual life 7 Emotions as signals 6 Grounding and settling 6 The fear underneath anger 6 Tolerate distress 6 Shame 6 Cool the body first 6 Breaking the worry loop 6 Breathing 5 Facing it a step at a time 5 Remembering to do it 5 When you use something to cope 5 When everything feels flat 5 Staying regulated in conflict 5 Shame and stigma 5 Repair after rupture 4 Being seen and judged 4 Choosing your response 4 Growing empathy 4 When anger turns to harm 4 Righteous anger and perfectionism 4 Rituals of connection 4 What worry does 4 Practising under provocation 3 Use your strengths 3 Anger, alcohol and the body 3 Equanimity and perspective 3 Structure and routine 3 Making it stick 3 Knowing your partner 3 Rebuilding trust 3 Obsessions and compulsions 2 Posture and how you carry yourself 2 Feeling from the inside 2 Letting it out safely 2 Answering bids 2 Rest and pacing 1 Safety and grounding 1 Keep the bond 1 Care for yourself in loss 1 Treatment and medication 1 Question the thought 1 What you are actually defending 1 Living with uncertainty 1 Listen to the body 1

Approach

Core 5 Trauma informed 1

When

Any ordinary day 5 After a row 1

If anger runs on the fear system, then the things that settle fear are worth trying on anger: staying in the room a bit longer, letting your body come down before you speak, going back over the story you told yourself about what was happening.

Most anger advice is about clamping down, and clamping down on something frightened rarely holds for long. Treating it as fear gives you gentler…

Twenty minutesThe fear underneath angerCoreQur’an 20:68

Think of the reaction as a small program sitting quietly, waiting for one particular condition. It is not running all the time, and which condition wakes it is a question with an answer.

Keep a short list for a few weeks. Only what was happening in the ten seconds before: a tone of voice, being interrupted, somebody standing over you…

Twenty minutesThe fear underneath angerTrauma informedQur’an 30:8

Triggers come in different kinds. Some are about life and limb, some are things you learned to dread such as criticism or being shown up, and some are abstractions like unfairness. What helps depends on which kind you are dealing with.

Real danger needs a plan and usually other people, not a breathing exercise. A learned dread tends to ease by going near it more often in small doses…

Twenty minutesThe fear underneath angerCoreQur’an 20:112

Some of the fights you take up for other people are your own old fight, unfinished, borrowed onto somebody else's ground.

The signs are recognisable: the heat is out of proportion, you cannot let it go afterwards, and the person you were defending never asked you to.…

Twenty minutesThe fear underneath angerCoreQur’an 28:10

Ask what has been done to this person, not only what they have done. Old harm decides which ordinary things now register as a threat.

Reactions that look wildly out of proportion usually are not, once you know what the moment resembled. A hand raised near a face, a certain tone,…

Twenty minutesThe fear underneath angerCoreQur’an 33:58

Follow the chain. The anger points at a fear, and the fear points at what you believe is at stake. That last thing is what you are actually dealing with.

Once it has passed, ask what you were afraid of in that moment, then ask whether the threat was really there. Being spoken over is not the same as…

Twenty minutesThe fear underneath angerCoreQur’an 21:87

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.