Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

Narrowed down

11 practices

When anger turns to harm Coping, mostly Clear all

How long you have

A minute 2 Five minutes 5 Twenty minutes 4

Who it is written for

A practitioner 11 Someone I care about 9 Me 3

Where you are right now · Coping, mostly

Coping, mostly 11 Struggling right now 4

On your own, or with someone

Both of us together 6 On my own 5

Theme · When anger turns to harm

Medication and how it works 104Systems for daily life 70 Getting assessed and diagnosed 63 Your nervous system 61 What anger actually is 60 Staying regulated in conflict 60 Get started 48 Moving your body 48 Equanimity and perspective 46 Choosing your response 44 Bringing the future closer 43 The moment before you snap 43 The fear underneath anger 42 Exercise, food and other supports 41 Your sense of time 40 Treatment and medication 39 Touch and bodywork 38 Feelings and focus 38 Screens and attention 32 When everything feels flat 32 What ADHD actually is 30 Growing empathy 28 Grounding and settling 27 Structure and routine 26 The cost of avoiding 26 Knowing your partner 25 Food, caffeine and fuel 24 Answering bids 24 What worry does 23 Practising under provocation 22 Treatment and medication 20 Emotions as signals 20 What you are actually defending 20 Cool the body first 20 Making it stick 19 Repair after rupture 19 Breathing 19 Being seen and judged 18 Rebuilding trust 17 Shared spiritual life 17 Righteous anger and perfectionism 16 Affection and touch 15 Fondness and admiration 15 Shame and stigma 14 Breaking the worry loop 14 Listening and understanding 13 Remembering to do it 13 Rituals of connection 13 Feeling from the inside 12 When you use something to cope 11 When anger turns to harm 11 Reading, numbers and learning differences 10 Tolerate distress 10 Gratitude 9 Facing it a step at a time 9 Self-compassion 8 Use your strengths 8 Obsessions and compulsions 6 Anger, alcohol and the body 6 Question the thought 5 Meaning after harm 4 Posture and how you carry yourself 4 Safety and grounding 4 Let the wave come 3 Calm the body 3 Act on your values 3 Name what you feel 3 Notice the pattern and flex 3 Panic and the body 3 Shame 3 Working with anger 3 Your worth is not conditional 3 Work with your brain 2 Your window of tolerance 2 Validate yourself and others 2 Care for yourself in loss 2 Ask and say no well 2 Ride the urge 2 Rest and pacing 2 Patience and trust 2 Listen to the body 2 Keep the bond 2 Hold a boundary 2 Help someone grieving 2 Get it out of your head 2 Find meaning 2 Face it gently 2 Living with uncertainty 1 When you go numb 1

When

Any ordinary day 6 Under stress 3 After a row 2

Whatever is driving it, behaviour that frightens someone is frightening. The reason behind it does not soften what it was like to stand on the other side of it.

Two people can do something that looks identical from outside and mean quite different things by it. That difference matters for what will help the…

A minuteWhen anger turns to harmCoreQur’an 24:15

Working out what someone meant by hurting another person is a conversation for the person who did it. Said to the one who was harmed, they were not really trying to hurt you lands as being talked out of your own experience.

Anyone who has been on the receiving end of violence has usually spent a long time being told it was not what it was. Even a kindly meant explanation…

A minuteWhen anger turns to harmCoreQur’an 4:148

Harm that comes out of feeling threatened and harm that is done coldly, to get something, are not one problem wearing two faces. Before deciding what would help, work out which one you are looking at.

The first kind runs hot. A person feels cornered, the body goes off, and the damage is done inside a few seconds. The second is quiet and aimed, with…

Five minutesWhen anger turns to harmCoreQur’an 42:42

Some true things cannot be said early. A reframe that would land well in the tenth conversation will end the second one.

Ideas about what really drives harm, or about a person being more than the worst thing they have done, are easily heard as excusing it or as blaming…

Five minutesWhen anger turns to harmCoreQur’an 17:53

Ask it plainly. Do you think you are a threat to anyone you love? A vague anger problem turns into something workable the moment it has a name attached to it.

Then keep going, because the follow up questions carry most of the weight. Has there been any thought of killing someone, or of dying. What is in the…

Five minutesWhen anger turns to harmCoreQur’an 5:32

Imagining revenge is ordinary and on its own tells you very little. What matters is whether it has started collecting details: a particular person, a method, a time, something bought or moved.

Almost everybody who is furious has run some version of a scene in their head, and treating that as alarming only teaches people not to mention it.…

Five minutesWhen anger turns to harmCoreQur’an 11:112

An act meant to be heard rather than to end a life can still end one. Whatever you believe about the intent, lethality is a separate question and it always gets asked.

The ways this happens are ordinary and awful. A method more dangerous than the person realised. The friend who was meant to arrive, arriving late. A…

Five minutesWhen anger turns to harmCoreQur’an 25:68

When someone introduces themselves as an abuser, take the word seriously without treating it as the finding. A label names a category of offence, not what is actually going on in them.

Some people arrive with the language of a programme or a court already fitted to them, and it closes down the question of what drives the behaviour…

Twenty minutesWhen anger turns to harmCoreQur’an 3:135

Some of what a person does to a partner is not defence and not temper. It is a script they watched at home, absorbed as ordinary, and never once held up to the light.

The tell is that it does not feel like a decision. There was no rush of heat and no sense of crossing a line, because at some level this is simply…

Twenty minutesWhen anger turns to harmCoreQur’an 4:19

Ask whether the anger is really about this person at all, or whether it is contempt for a whole category of people that happens to have someone standing nearby.

It sounds different once you listen for it. The complaints come out in the plural, about how women are or what wives do, and the particular person in…

Twenty minutesWhen anger turns to harmCoreQur’an 16:90

If the harm has only ever happened when someone had been drinking, the drinking is not the background to an anger problem. It is the anger problem.

Families often know this long before anyone says it aloud: he is fine, except. Go through it honestly, every incident, drunk or sober, and if…

Twenty minutesWhen anger turns to harmCoreQur’an 4:29

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.