Inshirahone small thing, well groundedRight now

Areas › Anger

Anger

Almost nobody wants to be the person who says the thing they cannot take back. The window between the surge and the words is short and it can be widened. That is most of what this area is about, along with the fear or hurt that anger is usually protecting.

Narrowed down

4 practices
Growing empathy remove filterUnder stress remove filterClear all
Theme · Growing empathy
The moment before you snap 32Cool the body first 31Choosing your response 28What anger actually is 20The fear underneath anger 18Equanimity and perspective 15Practising under provocation 8When anger turns to harm 6Making it stick 6What you are actually defending 5Growing empathy 4Righteous anger and perfectionism 3Anger, alcohol and the body 1
How long you have
A minute 1Five minutes 2Longer 1
Approach
Medical and treatment 2CBT 1Body based 1
When · Under stress
Any ordinary day 29Under stress 4After a row 2When apart 1

When you are already angry, imagining your way into someone else's head asks the tired part of you to do the heavy lifting. Start with your body instead: look at their face, let your breathing and your shoulders come closer to theirs.

Perspective taking is a fine skill on a calm day. In the middle of a row it tends to slide into arguing with a version of the other person you have…

A minuteGrowing empathyBody basedQur’an 9:128

Time alone can be a good idea or a dangerous one, and the difference is what sits underneath it. If you are already low, already dodging people, or drinking on your own, a plan to see fewer people is the wrong plan.

Ask honestly which one this is. Stepping back from a crowded, quarrelsome week is one thing. Disappearing because you cannot face anybody is another,…

Five minutesGrowing empathyMedical and treatmentQur’an 93:10

Underneath both versions sits the same small dread: somebody being displeased with you. That is the thing to practise surviving, and it does get easier.

Start where it is cheap. Send back the wrong order. Say you would rather not, once, to a person who will be mildly annoyed and nothing worse. Sit…

Five minutesGrowing empathyCBTQur’an 7:156

If you are around people constantly and falling out with them constantly, a quiet weekend on your own may do more for your temper than any conversation will.

Company loses its flavour when there is never a break in it, and irritation fills the gap. A deliberate stretch alone, a day or a weekend, lets you…

LongerGrowing empathyMedical and treatmentQur’an 28:24