Areas › Anger › Growing empathy
Time alone can be a good idea or a dangerous one, and the difference is what sits underneath it. If you are already low, already dodging people, or drinking on your own, a plan to see fewer people is the wrong plan.
Ask honestly which one this is. Stepping back from a crowded, quarrelsome week is one thing. Disappearing because you cannot face anybody is another, and it gets heavier the longer it runs. Tell one person what you are doing and when you will surface, so somebody knows to come looking.
Qur’an and Sunnah
and do not chide the one who asks for help (Quran 93:10). Asking is treated as ordinary and worth answering gently, which is worth remembering when you are deciding to go quiet instead.
وَأَمَّا ٱلسَّآئِلَ فَلَا تَنۡهَرۡ
and do not chide the one who asks for help
Qur’an 93:10read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
What the research says
An open pilot of loving-kindness meditation in veterans with post-traumatic stress found improvements in symptoms, in depression, in self-compassion and in mindfulness, though with no control group the results only point a direction. What was tested there is a practice of turning towards warmth. That is worth holding in mind before anyone prescribes themselves solitude.
Kearney DJ, Malte CA, McManus C, Martinez ME, Felleman B, Simpson TL. (2013). Loving-kindness meditation for posttraumatic stress disorder: a pilot study.. Journal of traumatic stress doi
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
Why it works
Being cut off is one of the things that makes a bad patch worse, so nobody should walk into it without noticing.
When not to
If you are having thoughts of ending your life, contact your doctor or a crisis line today rather than making any plan alone.
This one is still a draft. It is waiting on a scholar and a clinician to read it before it is published.
Near this one
If it really is that you feel too much for people, the useful move is not more feeling. It is learning to say no while still meaning them well.
You are allowed to try something because it seems sensible. What you should not do is tell yourself it is proven, because that is what stops you noticing when it does not work for you.
It is tempting to decide that a cruel person simply came without the wiring for feeling. That story is far more confident than the research allows, and it quietly excuses you from seeing them as a person.