Inshirahone small thing, well groundedRight now

Areas › Your marriage

Your marriage

What keeps a marriage well is not the big gestures. It is knowing each other, turning towards each other in ordinary moments, staying regulated when it gets hot, and repairing quickly when it goes wrong. Most of the practices here take under five minutes.

Narrowed down

3 practices
Repair after rupture remove filterEmotionally focused remove filterAfter a row remove filterClear all
Theme · Repair after rupture
Staying regulated in conflict 13Repair after rupture 3Rebuilding trust 2Affection and touch 1
How long you have
A minute 2Twenty minutes 1
Approach · Emotionally focused
Gottman 7Core 5Emotionally focused 3
When · After a row
Any ordinary day 3After a row 3Under stress 1

Offer a full, tender apology for a wound, with no defence appended.

I see how that hurt you, and I am truly sorry. Then stop. The silence after is the repair.

A minuteRepair after ruptureEmotionally focusedQur’an 42:40

After a fight cools today, say the reconnecting thing: we are still okay.

The fight can leave a quiet fear. Naming that you are still solid puts it to rest.

A minuteRepair after ruptureEmotionally focusedQur’an 49:10

When your spouse names a wound you caused, listen without defending, even once.

Not I didn't mean to. First: I hear that I hurt you, and I am sorry. Defence can wait.

Twenty minutesRepair after ruptureEmotionally focusedQur’an 4:135