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Your marriage
What keeps a marriage well is not the big gestures. It is knowing each other, turning towards each other in ordinary moments, staying regulated when it gets hot, and repairing quickly when it goes wrong. Most of the practices here take under five minutes.
Narrowed down
5 practicesTheme · Knowing your partner
How long you have
Approach · Emotionally focused
When · Any ordinary day
Tune to what your spouse is feeling under their words today, and name it gently.
It sounds like that scared you. Responsiveness is meeting the feeling, not just the fact.
Be the first to lower your guard today, even a little, and say something true and soft.
Someone has to move first. Let it be you, with one honest, undefended sentence.
Find the longing under your complaint, and voice the longing instead.
Under you are never home is I miss you, I want more of you. Say the wish, not the jab.
See your bond as a safe haven and a secure base, not just romance. Your partner is meant to be the person you run to and the place you launch from.
In the science of love, a partner is an attachment figure: a safe harbour in distress and a secure base you venture out from. Treating the…
Tell your spouse about a raw spot, an old tender place that still gets touched.
When you go quiet I feel abandoned, like I did as a child. Name the ache, not the blame.