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Your marriage

What keeps a marriage well is not the big gestures. It is knowing each other, turning towards each other in ordinary moments, staying regulated when it gets hot, and repairing quickly when it goes wrong. Most of the practices here take under five minutes.

Narrowed down

4 practices

Repair after rupture Emotionally focused A minute Clear all

Theme · Repair after rupture

Staying regulated in conflict 18 Answering bids 10 Affection and touch 8 Knowing your partner 6 Repair after rupture 4 Shared spiritual life 2 Fondness and admiration 1 Listening and understanding 1

How long you have · A minute

A minute 4 Twenty minutes 3

Approach · Emotionally focused

Gottman 5 Core 4 Emotionally focused 4

When

After a row 2 Any ordinary day 1 Under stress 1

Offer your spouse one clear reassurance today: I am here, we are okay.

When they wobble, say the steadying thing plainly rather than assuming they know.

A minuteRepair after ruptureEmotionally focusedQur’an 9:40

Offer a full, tender apology for a wound, with no defence appended.

I see how that hurt you, and I am truly sorry. Then stop. The silence after is the repair.

A minuteRepair after ruptureEmotionally focusedQur’an 42:40

Rebuild trust today with one small, consistent, kept action rather than a grand promise.

Trust returns in tiny reliable acts, not speeches. Do the small thing you said, again.

A minuteRepair after ruptureEmotionally focusedQur’an 23:8

After a fight cools today, say the reconnecting thing: we are still okay.

The fight can leave a quiet fear. Naming that you are still solid puts it to rest.

A minuteRepair after ruptureEmotionally focusedQur’an 49:10