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Your marriage
What keeps a marriage well is not the big gestures. It is knowing each other, turning towards each other in ordinary moments, staying regulated when it gets hot, and repairing quickly when it goes wrong. Most of the practices here take under five minutes.
Narrowed down
5 practicesTheme · Knowing your partner
How long you have · A minute
Approach · Gottman
Ask your spouse what is weighing on them this week, and remember the answer.
Not how was your day. What is heavy right now. Then carry a corner of it in your mind.
Notice one way your spouse has changed lately, and let your picture of them catch up.
People keep becoming someone new. Ask about the new thing rather than assuming the old.
Learn the one part of your spouse's day that drains them most, and lighten it if you can.
The commute, the boss, the bedtime hour. Know the pinch point, then ease it by a little.
Keep in mind one small thing that matters to your spouse, and act on it unprompted.
The tea they like, the worry they mentioned, the date they dread. Remember, then show it.
Do not win in a way that crushes your partner's dream. Aim for a marriage where you support each other's dreams.
Being right is worthless if it flattens the person you love. Look for how both dreams can be honored.