Prolonged grief, plainly

There is now a recognised condition for grief that has stayed at full intensity and stopped a person living. It is in the international diagnostic systems, which mostly means that services have to take it seriously rather than telling people to move on.

What distinguishes it is not how much it hurts. It is persistence past a defined period combined with intense yearning and real impairment in ordinary function.

Two things about that. It is not a judgement on how much you loved this child, and nobody who understands it will present it that way. And it is not the same as still being sad on the anniversary in ten years, which is not a disorder and never was.

Nobody can tell from a page whether this is you. That is what an assessment is for.