Areas › Your marriage › Affection and touch
Hold their hand while you talk about something completely ordinary.
Touch with no request attached is a language of safety all its own.
Qur’an and Sunnah
The Prophet ﷺ was tender with his family in the smallest moments of the day. Touch woven into the ordinary is exactly that tenderness.
وَمِنۡ ءَايَٰتِهِۦٓ أَنۡ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنۡ أَنفُسِكُمۡ أَزۡوَٰجࣰ ا لِّتَسۡكُنُوٓاْ إِلَيۡهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيۡنَكُم مَّوَدَّةࣰ وَرَحۡمَةًۚ إِنَّ فِي ذَٰلِكَ لَأٓيَٰتࣲ لِّقَوۡمࣲ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ
Another of His signs is that He created spouses from among yourselves for you to live with in tranquillity: He ordained love and kindness between you. There truly are signs in this for those who reflect
Qur’an 30:21read it in the library
Aishah said:I would eat flesh from a bone when I was menstruating, then hand it over to the Prophet(ﷺ) and he would put his mouth where I had put my mouth: I would drink, then hand it over to him, and he would put his mouth( at the place) where I drank
Sunan Abi Dawud 259graded sound, albanifull report
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
What the research says
A partner's handhold measurably calms the brain's alarm at threat. Touch with nothing asked of it is a language of safety all its own, and it needs no reason.
Coan, J.; Schaefer, H.; Davidson, R. (2006). Lending a Hand. Psychological Science doi
Spousal handholding attenuated neural threat response; effect tracked marital quality.
Strength of evidence: research shows. Meta analysis, or more than one randomised trial.
Why it works
Affectionate touch calms the body and says you are not alone.
Where this sits: Gottman method, Turn Toward; affection and touch.
This one is still a draft. It is waiting on a scholar and a clinician to read it before it is published.