Areas › Focus, starting, and ADHD › Feelings and focus
Moods travel. Laughter spreads through a group of friends, and so does contempt, gloom and low grinding cynicism. It is fair to think about which rooms you sit in.
This is not about cutting people off. It is closer to noticing that you leave certain conversations heavier than you arrived, and choosing to make those shorter. The other half is just as real: if someone's company reliably lifts you, that is not frivolous, and it deserves a proper place in the week rather than whatever time is left over.
Qur’an and Sunnah
'turn away from them until they move on to another topic' (Quran 6:68). Stepping out of a conversation that is doing harm is treated as a normal, unremarkable move.
وَإِذَا رَأَيۡتَ ٱلَّذِينَ يَخُوضُونَ فِيٓ ءَايَٰتِنَا فَأَعۡرِضۡ عَنۡهُمۡ حَتَّىٰ يَخُوضُواْ فِي حَدِيثٍ غَيۡرِهِۦۚ وَإِمَّا يُنسِيَنَّكَ ٱلشَّيۡطَٰنُ فَلَا تَقۡعُدۡ بَعۡدَ ٱلذِّكۡرَىٰ مَعَ ٱلۡقَوۡمِ ٱلظَّٰلِمِينَ
When you come across people who speak with scorn about Our revelations, turn away from them until they move on to another topic. If Satan should make you forget, then, when you have remembered, do not sit with those who are doing wrong
Qur’an 6:68read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
What the research says
A systematic review and meta-analysis of 59 longitudinal studies examined how far parenting and the family environment relate to children going on to develop ADHD. What was found were associations over time rather than proof that surroundings cause the condition. The modest version of the point still holds: the emotional climate around a person is measurable and it is not nothing.
Claussen AH, Holbrook JR, Hutchins HJ, Robinson LR, Bloomfield J, Meng L, Bitsko RH, O'Masta B, Cerles A, Maher B, Rush M, Kaminski JW. (2024). All in the Family? A Systematic Review and Meta-analysis of Parenting and Family Environment as Risk Factors for Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) in Children.. Prevention science : the official journal of the Society for Prevention Research doi
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
Why it works
Feelings pass between people whether or not anybody intends it, so company is an input and not only a pleasure.
When not to
If the corrosive company is family you cannot simply avoid, aim for shorter exposure and a good conversation afterwards rather than a clean break.
This one is still a draft. It is waiting on a scholar and a clinician to read it before it is published.
Near this one
Often the feeling fits the situation perfectly and the size of it does not. You were right to be annoyed. The ten out of ten is the part that caused the trouble.
Turning the volume down on a feeling in front of the wrong audience is not being fake. Being annoyed with your manager and raising it mildly is a skill, and it keeps you employed.
Step in while a child is only starting to wind up, and offer something calming rather than a correction. Slow breathing, counting, a soft toy, a quiet corner for a few minutes.