Areas › Focus, starting, and ADHD › Shame and stigma
Getting your ordinary life a bit calmer is worth doing for its own sake. More sleep, a little more structure, food that is not all improvised. Not perfect, just good enough to work with.
It will not give you more capacity than you have. What it does is let you use more of what you already have, more of the time, which is usually the difference people actually notice. It also tends to be the part that has to come first, because a new system introduced into a chaotic week will not survive that week.
Qur’an and Sunnah
Those who remember God and implore forgiveness for their sins, and who never knowingly persist in doing wrong (Quran 3:135). The picture is of returning again rather than of a clean record, which is roughly what good enough looks like.
وَٱلَّذِينَ إِذَا فَعَلُواْ فَٰحِشَةً أَوۡ ظَلَمُوٓاْ أَنفُسَهُمۡ ذَكَرُواْ ٱللَّهَ فَٱسۡتَغۡفَرُواْ لِذُنُوبِهِمۡ وَمَن يَغۡفِرُ ٱلذُّنُوبَ إِلَّا ٱللَّهُ وَلَمۡ يُصِرُّواْ عَلَىٰ مَا فَعَلُواْ وَهُمۡ يَعۡلَمُونَ
those who remember God and implore forgiveness for their sins if they do something shameful or wrong themselves- who forgives sins but God?- and who never knowingly persist in doing wrong
Qur’an 3:135read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
What the research says
A randomised controlled trial tested compassion focused therapy for people carrying shame about their weight, a group who are highly self critical and at raised risk of anxiety and depression. It was a trial of the therapy, not of any routine around eating or sleep. What carries over is the assumption behind it, that shame makes a poor engine for changes to how you eat and rest, and is worth addressing in its own right.
Carter A, Steindl SR, Parker S, Gilbert P, Kirby JN. (2023). Compassion-Focused Therapy to Reduce Body Weight Shame for Individuals With Obesity: A Randomized Controlled Trial.. Behavior therapy doi
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
Why it works
A steadier baseline means less of your capacity is spent before you reach what you care about.
This one is still a draft. It is waiting on a scholar and a clinician to read it before it is published.
Near this one
Listen to how you explain your own good news. If every success gets put down to luck, timing or somebody not looking closely enough, while every failure gets put down to you, the books are not balanced.
Some people will not believe this exists whatever you show them. You are allowed to give a short honest answer and then let the conversation go.
No food in the house means eating out late, which means a late night, which means a late start, which means no time to shop. It is not a character flaw. It is a loop.