Areas › Your marriage › Answering bids
When your spouse reaches today, receive it fully instead of deflecting.
Not a joke, not a change of subject. Let the kindness or the bid actually land on you.
Qur’an and Sunnah
When greeted, answer with a better greeting, or at least return it (Qur'an 4:86). Receive a reach with at least as much warmth as it was offered.
وَإِذَا حُيِّيتُم بِتَحِيَّةࣲ فَحَيُّواْ بِأَحۡسَنَ مِنۡهَآ أَوۡ رُدُّوهَآۗ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ كَانَ عَلَىٰ كُلِّ شَيۡءٍ حَسِيبًا
But [even in battle] when you [believers] are offered a greeting, respond with a better one, or at least return it: God keeps account of everything
Qur’an 4:86read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
What the research says
Some of us deflect affection out of habit and leave our partner's reach hanging. Letting it land, simply saying thank you, completes the circuit.
Johnson, S.M. (2019). Attachment Theory in Practice: Emotionally Focused Therapy with Individuals, Couples, and Families. Guilford
The originator's account of EFT as attachment-based practice.
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
Why it works
Letting a partner's bid land, rather than deflecting, completes the connection.
Where this sits: EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy), attachment-based couple intervention.
This one is still a draft. It is waiting on a scholar and a clinician to read it before it is published.