Areas › Your marriage › Fondness and admiration
Remember one reason you chose your spouse, and let it soften how you see them today.
The quality that first drew you is still in there under the daily wear. Look for it.
Qur’an and Sunnah
God placed affection and mercy between you (Qur'an 30:21). Remembering the affection He placed there helps you tend it.
وَمِنۡ ءَايَٰتِهِۦٓ أَنۡ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنۡ أَنفُسِكُمۡ أَزۡوَٰجࣰ ا لِّتَسۡكُنُوٓاْ إِلَيۡهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيۡنَكُم مَّوَدَّةࣰ وَرَحۡمَةًۚ إِنَّ فِي ذَٰلِكَ لَأٓيَٰتࣲ لِّقَوۡمࣲ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ
Another of His signs is that He created spouses from among yourselves for you to live with in tranquillity: He ordained love and kindness between you. There truly are signs in this for those who reflect
Qur’an 30:21read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
What the research says
The daily grind hides what first drew you together. Bringing one of those reasons back to mind changes the whole tone of how you meet them.
John Mordechai Gottman; Nan Silver (1999). The seven principles for making marriage work
Lay presentation of the Gottman Method: Love Maps, fondness and admiration, turning toward, accepting influence, solvable vs perpetual problems, shared meaning.
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
Why it works
Recalling the reasons for the bond restores the positive lens on a partner.
Where this sits: Gottman method, Share Fondness and Admiration.
This one is still a draft. It is waiting on a scholar and a clinician to read it before it is published.