Areas › Your marriage › Rituals of connection
When you come home today, find your spouse before anything else, and give a full minute.
Before the post, the phone, the fridge. Them first, with your eyes and attention.
Qur’an and Sunnah
He made the day and night to follow each other for whoever wishes to give thanks (Qur'an 25:62). A grateful return is a small daily thanks.
وَهُوَ ٱلَّذِي جَعَلَ ٱلَّيۡلَ وَٱلنَّهَارَ خِلۡفَةࣰ لِّمَنۡ أَرَادَ أَن يَذَّكَّرَ أَوۡ أَرَادَ شُكُورࣰ ا
it is He who made the night and day follow each other- so anyone who wishes may be mindful or show gratitude
Qur’an 25:62read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
What the research says
The first thirty seconds of coming home set the whole evening. Seeking them out before the screen tells them they come first.
John Mordechai Gottman; Nan Silver (1999). The seven principles for making marriage work
Lay presentation of the Gottman Method: Love Maps, fondness and admiration, turning toward, accepting influence, solvable vs perpetual problems, shared meaning.
Strength of evidence: research links. Replicated observational or longitudinal work.
Why it works
A warm reunion ritual reliably protects a pocket of daily closeness.
Where this sits: Gottman method, Turn Toward; Rituals of Connection.
This one is still a draft. It is waiting on a scholar and a clinician to read it before it is published.