Areas › Your marriage › Gratitude
When resentment rises today, name one thing you are grateful to your spouse for instead.
The mind can rehearse grievances or blessings. Choose the blessing, out loud if you can.
Qur’an and Sunnah
If you are grateful, I will increase you (Qur'an 14:7). Gratitude rehearsed grows the very thing it thanks.
وَإِذۡ تَأَذَّنَ رَبُّكُمۡ لَئِن شَكَرۡتُمۡ لَأَزِيدَنَّكُمۡۖ وَلَئِن كَفَرۡتُمۡ إِنَّ عَذَابِي لَشَدِيدࣱ
Remember that He promised, “If you are thankful, I will give you more, but if you are thankless, My punishment is terrible indeed.” ’
Qur’an 14:7read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
What the research says
You become what you rehearse. A mind that practices its spouse's faults grows cold; one that practices gratitude stays warm.
Gottman, J.; Levenson, R. (1992). Marital processes predictive of later dissolution: Behavior, physiology, and health.. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology doi
Interaction patterns and physiological arousal predicting dissolution.
Strength of evidence: research links. Replicated observational or longitudinal work.
Why it works
Nurturing gratitude over resentment is what keeps trust and fondness alive.
Where this sits: Gottman method, The Positive Perspective.
This one is still a draft. It is waiting on a scholar and a clinician to read it before it is published.