Areas › Your marriage › Gratitude
Build a habit of mind that scans your partner and your day for what to appreciate, not what to criticize.
What you look for grows. Train your eye toward their good and the relationship warms.
Qur’an and Sunnah
If you tried to count God's blessings, you could never take them all in (Quran 16:18). A grateful eye always finds more; start with the one beside you.
وَإِن تَعُدُّواْ نِعۡمَةَ ٱللَّهِ لَا تُحۡصُوهَآۗ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ لَغَفُورࣱ رَّحِيمࣱ
If you tried to count God’s blessings, you could never take them all in: He is truly most forgiving and most merciful
Qur’an 16:18read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
What the research says
The habit of scanning for what to appreciate rather than what to criticize is one of the strongest protectors of a relationship; where the attention goes, the feeling follows.
Gottman, J.; Coan, J.; Carrere, S.; Swanson, C. (1998). Predicting Marital Happiness and Stability from Newlywed Interactions. Journal of Marriage and the Family doi
Newlywed interaction patterns; accepting influence; soft start-up.
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
Why it works
Deliberately attending to a partner's positives, rather than their faults, shifts the emotional climate of the relationship.
Where this sits: Gottman method, The Positive Perspective (habit of appreciation).
This one is still a draft. It is waiting on a scholar and a clinician to read it before it is published.