Twenty minutesAny ordinary dayGottmanYour marriage

Once a day, take turns unloading the day's outside stress while the other just listens and supports, not fixes.

Ten minutes each on stress from beyond the relationship. The listener gives empathy, not solutions.

Qur’an and Sunnah

Help one another to do what is right and good (Quran 5:2). Carrying each other's daily burdens is that mutual help at home.

يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُواْ لَا تُحِلُّواْ شَعَٰٓئِرَ ٱللَّهِ وَلَا ٱلشَّهۡرَ ٱلۡحَرَامَ وَلَا ٱلۡهَدۡيَ وَلَا ٱلۡقَلَٰٓئِدَ وَلَآ ءَآمِّينَ ٱلۡبَيۡتَ ٱلۡحَرَامَ يَبۡتَغُونَ فَضۡلࣰ ا مِّن رَّبِّهِمۡ وَرِضۡوَٰنࣰ اۚ وَإِذَا حَلَلۡتُمۡ فَٱصۡطَادُواْۚ وَلَا يَجۡرِمَنَّكُمۡ شَنَـَٔانُ قَوۡمٍ أَن صَدُّوكُمۡ عَنِ ٱلۡمَسۡجِدِ ٱلۡحَرَامِ أَن تَعۡتَدُواْۘ وَتَعَاوَنُواْ عَلَى ٱلۡبِرِّ وَٱلتَّقۡوَىٰۖ وَلَا تَعَاوَنُواْ عَلَى ٱلۡإِثۡمِ وَٱلۡعُدۡوَٰنِۚ وَٱتَّقُواْ ٱللَّهَۖ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ شَدِيدُ ٱلۡعِقَابِ

so, you who believe, do not violate the sanctity of God’s rites, the Sacred Month, the offerings, their garlands, nor those going to the Sacred House to seek the bounty and pleasure of their Lord––but when you have completed the rites of pilgrimage you may hunt. Do not let your hatred for the people who barred you from the Sacred Mosque induce you to break the law: help one another to do what is right and good; do not help one another towards sin and hostility. Be mindful of God, for His punishment is severe

Qur’an 5:2read it in the library

Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.

What the research says

Couples who buffer each other from external stress, by listening supportively rather than problem-solving, protect the relationship from being worn down by the outside world.

Gottman, J.; Coan, J.; Carrere, S.; Swanson, C. (1998). Predicting Marital Happiness and Stability from Newlywed Interactions. Journal of Marriage and the Family doi

Newlywed interaction patterns; accepting influence; soft start-up.

Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.

Why it works

A daily stress-reducing conversation about outside pressures buffers the relationship from being eroded by them.

Where this sits: Gottman method, Turn Toward; the Stress-Reducing Conversation.

This one is still a draft. It is waiting on a scholar and a clinician to read it before it is published.

Near this one

Once today, ask about a stress from outside the two of you, then just listen. No fixing.

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A minuteAnswering bids

Do the small thing you said you would do.

A minuteAnswering bids