Areas › Yourself and your limits › Notice the pattern and flex
Two opposite things can both be true: I did my best, and I can do better. Hold both.
You do not have to choose one side of yourself. Wisdom often lives in holding both at once.
Qur’an and Sunnah
Harm may be answered by equal harm, yet whoever forgives and mends will be rewarded (Quran 42:40). The verse itself holds two truths, justice and mercy, side by side.
وَجَزَٰٓؤُاْ سَيِّئَةࣲ سَيِّئَةࣱ مِّثۡلُهَاۖ فَمَنۡ عَفَا وَأَصۡلَحَ فَأَجۡرُهُۥ عَلَى ٱللَّهِۚ إِنَّهُۥ لَا يُحِبُّ ٱلظَّٰلِمِينَ
Let harm be requited by an equal harm, though anyone who forgives and puts things right will have his reward from God Himself––He does not like those who do wrong
Qur’an 42:40read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
What the research says
Much emotional relief comes from holding apparent opposites together, acceptance and change, doing your best and still growing, rather than forcing everything to one extreme.
Linehan, M. M., Armstrong, H. E., Suarez, A., Allmon, D. and Heard, H. L. (1991). Cognitive-behavioral treatment of chronically parasuicidal borderline patients. Archives of General Psychiatry doi
Structured skills training in emotion regulation and interpersonal effectiveness reduces crisis behaviour and improves functioning.
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
Why it works
Holding two true-but-opposing views at once, rather than collapsing to one, reduces all-or-nothing distress.
Where this sits: Dialectics and psychological flexibility.
This one is still a draft. It is waiting on a scholar and a clinician to read it before it is published.