Areas › Low mood and hard feelings › Tolerate distress
If a movement keeps cutting a feeling short, work with the movement rather than the feeling. Stay with the dabbing of the eyes itself, slowly, and see what turns up.
The defence is usually easier to be with than the raw emotion, and it often carries the memory. Repeat it gently, notice the arm, the hand, the timing of it, and ask what age this belongs to. What surfaces is frequently a scene or a sentence rather than a wave of feeling, and that is a kinder way in than going straight at the grief.
Qur’an and Sunnah
We answered him, removed his suffering, and restored his family to him (Quran 21:84). Job's suffering was met and did not last forever, which is worth holding on to when you deliberately stay near something painful.
فَٱسۡتَجَبۡنَا لَهُۥ فَكَشَفۡنَا مَا بِهِۦ مِن ضُرࣲّۖ وَءَاتَيۡنَٰهُ أَهۡلَهُۥ وَمِثۡلَهُم مَّعَهُمۡ رَحۡمَةࣰ مِّنۡ عِندِنَا وَذِكۡرَىٰ لِلۡعَٰبِدِينَ
We answered him, removed his suffering, and restored his family to him, along with more like them, as an act of grace from Us and a reminder for all who serve Us
Qur’an 21:84read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
What the research says
A meta-analysis of virtual reality exposure for anxiety found large reductions compared with waitlist and results comparable to real-world exposure. Approaching something at one remove can do the work of approaching it head on. That is anxiety treatment rather than body-focused trauma work, so it supports the principle rather than this particular technique.
Carl E, Stein AT, Levihn-Coon A, Pogue JR, Rothbaum B, Emmelkamp P, Asmundson GJG, Carlbring P, Powers MB. (2019). Virtual reality exposure therapy for anxiety and related disorders: A meta-analysis of randomized controlled trials.. Journal of anxiety disorders doi
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
Why it works
The thing you do to stop a feeling still remembers why it started.
When not to
This is exploratory work and it is safer alongside a therapist when the material is likely to be traumatic.
This one is still a draft. It is waiting on a scholar and a clinician to read it before it is published.
Near this one
Anger wants the body to do something, so let it. Breathe deeper and higher into the chest, stand up, press both palms hard into a wall, walk on the spot, push down through your feet.
A hard feeling is not damage and it is not a bad attitude. It is a feeling, meant to be felt, and the only real question is at what pace.
Tell yourself the true thing: this feeling is real, and it is temporary. No state lasts. Ride it out.