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Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

Narrowed down

7 practices
Involves someone else remove filterCBT remove filterAfter a row remove filterClear all
Area
Anger 4Focus, starting, and ADHD 2Worry and anxiety 1
How long you have
A minute 1Five minutes 6
Who it is written for
A practitioner 7Me 6Someone I care about 5My husband or wife 1
Where you are right now
Coping, mostly 5Struggling right now 2
On your own, or with someone · Involves someone else
On my own 8Involves someone else 7Both of us together 3
Theme
Screens and attention 2Practising under provocation 2Choosing your response 2Breaking the worry loop 1
Approach · CBT
Gottman 18Emotionally focused 15Core 13ADHD skills 12CBT 7DBT skills 2Mindfulness 1Body based 1
When · After a row
Any ordinary day 54Under stress 13After a row 7In a change 7Coming and going 7When apart 2

You can tell someone they have hurt you without your voice showing it. The message and the heat come apart, and it is usually the heat that stops the message being heard.

Worth saying, because plenty of people believe the only options are swallowing it or letting it out. There is a third, which is saying the whole hard…

Five minutesChoosing your responseCBTQur’an 17:53

Under the anger there is usually something you wanted and did not get, or something you are afraid of losing. Say that, and you have handed the other person something they can actually do.

"You never help" gives someone a charge to deny. "I needed you to take the kids for an hour and I was too proud to ask" gives them a job. The second…

Five minutesChoosing your responseCBTQur’an 5:8

Going silent and hard is not a neutral act. A fixed stare and a set brow land on the other person's body as threat, even though you have not said a word.

People often think they are being restrained when they go cold, and are then surprised by how frightened or defensive the other person becomes. If…

A minutePractising under provocationCBTQur’an 25:63

You can be genuinely indignant and still say the thing evenly. The feeling does not have to travel in your voice.

Notice what actually changes when the heat comes out of it: the words stay, the point stays, the volume and the edge go. It helps to know beforehand…

Five minutesPractising under provocationCBTQur’an 41:34

A young person on the sofa with their phone looks like nothing is happening. From the inside it is often the first hour all day that has asked nothing of them.

Both readings are true, and the argument is usually about which one gets said out loud. Naming the second one to a parent takes a surprising amount…

Five minutesScreens and attentionCBTQur’an 2:286

Before a phone gets taken away, it is worth asking what else goes with it. For a lot of young people the group chat is where their friendships actually live, and losing it leaves them alone at the moment they most need someone.

This is not an argument against limits. It is an argument for knowing what you are cutting. If the same device carries the friendships, the homework…

Five minutesScreens and attentionCBTQur’an 25:67

Sourness, shutting down, snapping at everyone: these are as often worry as they are attitude. The person is not giving you a hard time, they are having one.

This matters because of what happens next. Read it as rudeness and the house responds with punishment, which adds to the load that produced the…

Five minutesBreaking the worry loopCBTQur’an 41:36

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.