Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

Narrowed down

46 practices

Involves someone else Emotionally focused Clear all

Area

Your marriage 36 Low mood and hard feelings 10

How long you have

A minute 27 Five minutes 15 Twenty minutes 4

Who it is written for

My husband or wife 46 Me 42 A practitioner 10 Someone I care about 4

Where you are right now

Coping, mostly 42 Struggling right now 4

On your own, or with someone · Involves someone else

Involves someone else 46 On my own 45 Both of us together 16

Theme

Emotions as signals 7 Affection and touch 7 Staying regulated in conflict 7 Knowing your partner 6 Answering bids 6 Repair after rupture 4 Rituals of connection 2 Rebuilding trust 2 Shame 2 When you go numb 1 Listening and understanding 1 Shared spiritual life 1

Approach · Emotionally focused

Medical and treatment 141ADHD skills 129CBT 90 Core 71 Gottman 71 Emotionally focused 46 Body based 46 Mindfulness 17 DBT skills 8 Trauma informed 3 Grief 2 Narrative 1

When

Under stress 16 After a row 15 Any ordinary day 13 When apart 1 Something good 1

When your spouse names a wound you caused, listen without defending, even once.

Not I didn't mean to. First: I hear that I hurt you, and I am sorry. Defence can wait.

Twenty minutesRepair after ruptureEmotionally focusedQur’an 4:135

Keep one daily moment to reconnect, a few minutes that are only about the two of you.

Morning coffee, the walk, the goodnight. A small daily island of us.

Five minutesRituals of connectionEmotionally focusedQur’an 25:62

Once this week, sit together unhurried and share one feeling and one reassurance.

Not logistics. How are we really, and what do you need from me. A regular heart to heart.

Twenty minutesRituals of connectionEmotionally focusedQur’an 30:21

You did not choose which things hurt you. Where you are tender was set long before you had any say in it, and the only live question is what you do with it now.

This is worth saying out loud between two people, because each usually thinks their own soft spot is embarrassing and the other's is obvious. Try…

Five minutesShameEmotionally focusedQur’an 30:54

There is a real difference between not caring and not knowing how. A lot of what gets called failing at a relationship is simply a skill nobody ever taught you.

If you go blank when your partner cries, or answer hurt with logic, ask who ever showed you anything better. Probably nobody did. A gap like that can…

Five minutesShameEmotionally focusedQur’an 93:7

When something hard lands, say it out loud: we will face this together.

Turn a my problem into an ours. Facing it as a team halves its weight.

A minuteShared spiritual lifeEmotionally focusedQur’an 9:71

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.