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Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

Narrowed down

8 practices
What anger actually is remove filterMe remove filterInvolves someone else remove filterClear all
How long you have
A minute 1Five minutes 6Twenty minutes 1
Who it is written for · Me
A practitioner 12Someone I care about 9Me 8My husband or wife 4
Where you are right now
Coping, mostly 5Struggling right now 3
On your own, or with someone · Involves someone else
On my own 78Involves someone else 8Both of us together 3
Theme · What anger actually is
Medication and how it works 47Systems for daily life 26Staying regulated in conflict 24Knowing your partner 15Rebuilding trust 14Affection and touch 13Moving your body 13Listening and understanding 12Answering bids 11Repair after rupture 11Rituals of connection 11Breaking the worry loop 10The moment before you snap 10Shared spiritual life 10Food, caffeine and fuel 10Screens and attention 9What anger actually is 8Growing empathy 7Treatment and medication 7Your nervous system 7Feelings and focus 7Choosing your response 7Bringing the future closer 7Grounding and settling 6Breathing 6Remembering to do it 6Get started 6The cost of avoiding 6Exercise, food and other supports 5Posture and how you carry yourself 5Equanimity and perspective 5Facing it a step at a time 5Treatment and medication 5Structure and routine 4Cool the body first 4When everything feels flat 4When you use something to cope 4Getting assessed and diagnosed 4What ADHD actually is 4What worry does 4Your sense of time 3Practising under provocation 3Being seen and judged 3Tolerate distress 3Emotions as signals 3Rest and pacing 2Shame 2Touch and bodywork 2What you are actually defending 2Gratitude 2Fondness and admiration 2Ask and say no well 2Help someone grieving 2Panic and the body 2Safety and grounding 1Validate yourself and others 1Living with uncertainty 1When you go numb 1Obsessions and compulsions 1Making it stick 1The fear underneath anger 1
When
After a row 5Under stress 1Any ordinary day 1When apart 1

Anger shown early sometimes stops things going further. A clear no at the start can prevent the whole conversation that would have ended much worse.

Plenty of people learned this the hard way and they are not wrong: visible anger draws a line, and lines get respected. What is worth adding is the…

A minuteWhat anger actually isCoreQur’an 42:41

Most outbursts are a last try at getting something across. Underneath the noise there is usually a need that has gone unmet for a long time.

It rarely arrives as a message, though. It arrives as volume, and the other person hears the volume and misses the content entirely. Treating it as a…

Five minutesWhat anger actually isCoreQur’an 20:86

Holding anger in does not hide it. It comes out in the face, the shoulders and the shortness of your answers, and the person opposite reads all of it.

This is why gritted politeness so often makes things worse rather than better. They can feel something and now they cannot ask about it. Saying the…

Five minutesWhat anger actually isCoreQur’an 3:159

Defence starts at a boundary. When anger flares, something has been read as crossing a line, so the question worth asking is which line.

The answer is often smaller and clearer than the reaction: being spoken over, being made to look stupid in front of someone, having your time taken…

Five minutesWhat anger actually isCoreQur’an 42:41

Some anger is really about being left. It flares when someone pulls away, goes quiet or seems less interested, and it comes out as an accusation rather than as the fear it is.

The giveaway is that it happens with the same one or two people, the ones whose closeness you rely on. Anger skills alone do little here, because the…

Five minutesWhat anger actually isCoreQur’an 21:87

Being late on purpose, the joke with an edge, the job done just badly enough: that is anger at full strength, only sent by a quieter route.

People who do this often say honestly that they never get angry, and they believe it, because what they are picturing is shouting. The feeling is all…

Five minutesWhat anger actually isCoreQur’an 2:263

Not all hostile looking anger is hostile. Some people are not reading malice into a situation, they simply cannot tell what the other person meant and fall back on assuming the worst.

The difference matters. If somebody has decided you meant harm, you can go through the evidence with them. If they never managed to read the signal…

Five minutesWhat anger actually isCoreQur’an 25:63

Anger feels righteous while it lasts. The useful moment comes later, when the regret shows up and the story has gone quiet.

Nobody changes course mid-shout, and pressing then only adds fuel. Hours or a day afterwards there is usually a stretch where a person is…

Twenty minutesWhat anger actually isCoreQur’an 21:87

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.