Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

Narrowed down

10 practices

Twenty minutes Involves someone else After a row Clear all

Area

Your marriage 6 Focus, starting, and ADHD 2 Your body 1 Anger 1

How long you have · Twenty minutes

A minute 19 Five minutes 39 Twenty minutes 10 Longer 1

Who it is written for

Me 8 My husband or wife 6 A practitioner 4 Someone I care about 4

Where you are right now

Coping, mostly 7 Struggling right now 3

On your own, or with someone · Involves someone else

Involves someone else 10 Both of us together 8 On my own 7

Theme

Staying regulated in conflict 3 Repair after rupture 2 Moving your body 1 Rebuilding trust 1 Screens and attention 1 What ADHD actually is 1 What anger actually is 1

Approach

Gottman 5 Core 2 Emotionally focused 1 Body based 1 ADHD skills 1

When · After a row

Any ordinary day 82 Under stress 14 In a change 11 After a row 10 Coming and going 5 When apart 3 Something good 1

After a fight has cooled, revisit it once without blame, each saying how it felt.

Not who was right. How it felt for me, how it felt for you, and what we each needed.

Twenty minutesStaying regulated in conflictGottmanQur’an 42:40

On the fight you keep having, stop trying to win it and ask what it means to them underneath.

What are you hoping for, or afraid of, in this. Then only listen for the dream beneath.

Twenty minutesStaying regulated in conflictGottmanQur’an 49:13

Before you argue your side, say their side back so well that they feel understood.

Summarize what they mean until they say yes, that is it. Then, and only then, your turn.

Twenty minutesStaying regulated in conflictGottmanQur’an 4:135

Talk first, move second. Ending a hard conversation with something physical gives the body a route back down.

This works for a therapy group and it works for an evening at home. Say the difficult thing, then walk, stretch, wash up, anything that puts you back…

Twenty minutesMoving your bodyBody basedQur’an 62:10

After a betrayal, heal by talking the injury through together, fully, rather than skipping past it in silence.

Couples who avoid the subject drift apart; those who talk it through, honestly and thoroughly, are the ones who make it.

Twenty minutesRebuilding trustGottmanQur’an 2:42

When your spouse names a wound you caused, listen without defending, even once.

Not I didn't mean to. First: I hear that I hurt you, and I am sorry. Defence can wait.

Twenty minutesRepair after ruptureEmotionally focusedQur’an 4:135

Revisit a past fight only once you are both calm, from the balcony, without climbing back into it.

Processing means talking about the incident, not re-fighting it. Wait until the heat is gone.

Twenty minutesRepair after ruptureGottmanQur’an 4:128

When someone says they did not really mean it, that it was not really them, the temptation is to hear an excuse. It is usually better information than that.

Take the disowning seriously and ask what state it came out of. What time was it, how long had they been online, what had happened that day, had they…

Twenty minutesScreens and attentionCoreQur’an 96:7

A forgotten item in a bag is not a plan. Rules that treat the presence of something as proof of intent fall hardest on people who cannot reliably remember what is in their pockets.

If you are arguing a case like this at a school or a workplace, say plainly that remembering to do something later is one of the areas ADHD affects…

Twenty minutesWhat ADHD actually isADHD skillsQur’an 20:115

Anger feels righteous while it lasts. The useful moment comes later, when the regret shows up and the story has gone quiet.

Nobody changes course mid-shout, and pressing then only adds fuel. Hours or a day afterwards there is usually a stretch where a person is…

Twenty minutesWhat anger actually isCoreQur’an 21:87

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.