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Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

Narrowed down

5 practices

Staying regulated in conflict Five minutes Involves someone else Clear all

How long you have · Five minutes

A minute 14 Five minutes 5 Twenty minutes 5

Who it is written for

Me 5 My husband or wife 5

On your own, or with someone · Involves someone else

Involves someone else 5 On my own 4

Theme · Staying regulated in conflict

Medication and how it works 43 The cost of avoiding 15 Screens and attention 13 Systems for daily life 12 What anger actually is 10 Moving your body 8 Bringing the future closer 8 Your nervous system 8 What ADHD actually is 8 Your sense of time 8 Rebuilding trust 8 Exercise, food and other supports 8 What worry does 7 Treatment and medication 7 Knowing your partner 7 Facing it a step at a time 7 Remembering to do it 6 Breaking the worry loop 6 Feelings and focus 5 Cool the body first 5 Staying regulated in conflict 5 Choosing your response 5 Equanimity and perspective 5 Emotions as signals 5 When everything feels flat 5 Listening and understanding 5 When you use something to cope 4 Structure and routine 4 The moment before you snap 4 Touch and bodywork 3 Food, caffeine and fuel 3 Getting assessed and diagnosed 3 Rituals of connection 3 Reading, numbers and learning differences 3 Shared spiritual life 3 Tolerate distress 3 Growing empathy 3 Shame and stigma 2 Shame 2 Being seen and judged 2 Get started 2 Treatment and medication 2 Panic and the body 2 Righteous anger and perfectionism 2 Grounding and settling 2 The fear underneath anger 1 Posture and how you carry yourself 1 Practising under provocation 1 Affection and touch 1 Repair after rupture 1 Rest and pacing 1 Making it stick 1 Living with uncertainty 1 Help someone grieving 1 What you are actually defending 1 When you go numb 1 Feeling from the inside 1 Breathing 1 Ask and say no well 1 Obsessions and compulsions 1

Approach

Gottman 4 Emotionally focused 1

When

Under stress 3 Any ordinary day 1 After a row 1

If you are the critical one, risk the soft feeling under the anger and ask, gently, for what you need instead of attacking.

Criticism is often a protest from someone who feels alone and unmet. Softening, letting your partner see the hurt beneath the sharpness and asking…

Five minutesStaying regulated in conflictEmotionally focusedQur’an 4:128

If you take a break from a fight, name when you will come back, and come back.

Give me twenty minutes, I am not leaving this. Then return, calmer, as promised.

Five minutesStaying regulated in conflictGottmanQur’an 3:134

For a compromise, name your one true core need, then be genuinely flexible on everything around it.

Separate the small inflexible core from the wide flexible area. Guard the core, give on the rest.

Five minutesStaying regulated in conflictGottmanQur’an 4:128

On a stuck, recurring fight, stop trying to persuade. First explore the dream or value behind each position.

Gridlock rarely yields to argument. Set persuasion aside and get curious about what the issue means to each of you.

Five minutesStaying regulated in conflictGottmanQur’an 3:159

Before you try to persuade, summarize your partner's position back until they say yes, that is it.

No persuasion lands until your partner feels understood. Interview them, then reflect their view to their satisfaction.

Five minutesStaying regulated in conflictGottmanQur’an 16:125

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.