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Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

Narrowed down

5 practices
Knowing your partner remove filterA minute remove filterInvolves someone else remove filterClear all
How long you have · A minute
A minute 5Five minutes 7Twenty minutes 3
Who it is written for
My husband or wife 5Me 5
On your own, or with someone · Involves someone else
On my own 9Involves someone else 5
Theme · Knowing your partner
Staying regulated in conflict 14Affection and touch 12Systems for daily life 10The cost of avoiding 9Answering bids 9Listening and understanding 7Medication and how it works 7Grounding and settling 7Repair after rupture 7Treatment and medication 5Knowing your partner 5The moment before you snap 5Structure and routine 4Breathing 4Rituals of connection 4Rebuilding trust 3Posture and how you carry yourself 3Moving your body 3Fondness and admiration 2Gratitude 2Treatment and medication 2Equanimity and perspective 2Making it stick 2Food, caffeine and fuel 2Cool the body first 2Choosing your response 2When everything feels flat 2What anger actually is 2Emotions as signals 2Practising under provocation 2Your sense of time 2Feelings and focus 1Feeling from the inside 1Bringing the future closer 1Being seen and judged 1Ask and say no well 1Validate yourself and others 1Exercise, food and other supports 1The fear underneath anger 1Safety and grounding 1Screens and attention 1Shame and stigma 1Shared spiritual life 1Help someone grieving 1Tolerate distress 1Touch and bodywork 1Obsessions and compulsions 1What you are actually defending 1Breaking the worry loop 1Your nervous system 1Getting assessed and diagnosed 1Get started 1
Approach
Core 2Emotionally focused 2Gottman 1
When
Any ordinary day 4Under stress 1

Tune to what your spouse is feeling under their words today, and name it gently.

It sounds like that scared you. Responsiveness is meeting the feeling, not just the fact.

A minuteKnowing your partnerEmotionally focusedQur’an 3:159

If sharing a real feeling is too scary, start smaller: say out loud just how hard it is to say it.

You do not have to leap straight to the deepest disclosure. Naming the difficulty itself, this is really hard for me to talk about, is a first honest…

A minuteKnowing your partnerEmotionally focusedQur’an 94:5

Ask a follow-up question instead of offering your own view.

Curiosity says you are still worth discovering; advice can quietly say the opposite.

A minuteKnowing your partnerCoreQur’an 30:21

Ask what makes them feel most cared for, and then believe the answer.

Our usual gestures are often for the person we imagine, not the one in front of us.

A minuteKnowing your partnerCoreQur’an 30:21

Do not win in a way that crushes your partner's dream. Aim for a marriage where you support each other's dreams.

Being right is worthless if it flattens the person you love. Look for how both dreams can be honored.

A minuteKnowing your partnerGottmanQur’an 2:187

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.