Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

Narrowed down

5 practices

Emotions as signals Coping, mostly Involves someone else Clear all

How long you have

A minute 2 Five minutes 3

Who it is written for

A practitioner 5 My husband or wife 5 Someone I care about 3 Me 2

Where you are right now · Coping, mostly

Coping, mostly 5 Struggling right now 2

On your own, or with someone · Involves someone else

On my own 8 Both of us together 7 Involves someone else 5

Theme · Emotions as signals

Medication and how it works 34 Systems for daily life 24 Staying regulated in conflict 24 The cost of avoiding 20 Moving your body 16 Knowing your partner 15 Rebuilding trust 14 Affection and touch 13 Exercise, food and other supports 13 Screens and attention 12 Listening and understanding 12 Rituals of connection 11 Repair after rupture 11 Answering bids 11 Shared spiritual life 10 What anger actually is 8 Your nervous system 8 Feelings and focus 8 Bringing the future closer 8 Your sense of time 7 Breaking the worry loop 7 What ADHD actually is 7 Treatment and medication 7 Getting assessed and diagnosed 7 Structure and routine 7 Growing empathy 6 What worry does 6 Equanimity and perspective 6 Food, caffeine and fuel 5 Get started 5 Emotions as signals 5 Breathing 4 Grounding and settling 4 Treatment and medication 4 When you use something to cope 4 When everything feels flat 4 The moment before you snap 3 Facing it a step at a time 3 Righteous anger and perfectionism 3 Choosing your response 3 Touch and bodywork 2 Reading, numbers and learning differences 2 Gratitude 2 Obsessions and compulsions 2 The fear underneath anger 2 Panic and the body 2 Remembering to do it 2 Shame and stigma 2 Tolerate distress 2 What you are actually defending 2 Fondness and admiration 2 Being seen and judged 2 Ask and say no well 2 Help someone grieving 2 Safety and grounding 1 Practising under provocation 1 Posture and how you carry yourself 1 Validate yourself and others 1 Cool the body first 1 Shame 1

When

After a row 2 Any ordinary day 2 Under stress 1

Point at the body. 'Your hands went up just then', or 'you put your head in your hands', gives a feeling something solid to stand on.

Feelings argued about in the abstract go round and round. A gesture you both just watched is much harder to dispute, and it opens a door: what was…

A minuteEmotions as signalsEmotionally focusedQur’an 39:23

When someone goes quiet and you can see they have gone inside, that is not your moment to help. Stay still and let the silence run.

You will feel the pull to summarise, to check they are alright, to bring the other person back in. All of it lands as an interruption. Give it a few…

A minuteEmotions as signalsEmotionally focusedQur’an 50:16

When someone finally gets one true word out about how they feel, resist explaining it to them. Ask what that word is like from the inside and let them find the rest.

The temptation is to say the clever thing: of course you felt rejected, anyone would. It is often accurate and it usually ends the moment, because…

Five minutesEmotions as signalsEmotionally focusedQur’an 3:29

Watch for the swerve. Right after something tender gets said, along comes a story about a brother or a colleague or a thing from years ago, and the tender part quietly gets left behind.

Swerving is not dishonesty. It is what people do when a feeling gets close, and it works, which is exactly why it is so easy to follow along.…

Five minutesEmotions as signalsEmotionally focusedQur’an 21:87

If a conversation has wandered off and you have lost the thread, go back to the last thing that had real feeling in it, and go back using the words they used.

Not a summary of those words. The actual phrase: 'you said she has her standards and you will never meet them, and your eyes went red when you said…

Five minutesEmotions as signalsEmotionally focusedQur’an 21:83

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.