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Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

Narrowed down

7 practices
Twenty minutes remove filterOn my own remove filterAfter a row remove filterClear all
Area
Anger 6Low mood and hard feelings 1
How long you have · Twenty minutes
A minute 45Five minutes 54Twenty minutes 7Longer 1
Who it is written for
Me 7A practitioner 7Someone I care about 4My husband or wife 1
Where you are right now
Coping, mostly 5Struggling right now 2
On your own, or with someone · On my own
Involves someone else 10Both of us together 8On my own 7
Theme
The moment before you snap 2Cool the body first 2What anger actually is 1The fear underneath anger 1Emotions as signals 1
Approach
Core 3Body based 2Emotionally focused 1CBT 1
When · After a row
Any ordinary day 201Under stress 31In a change 14Coming and going 9After a row 7When apart 1Something good 1

Follow the chain. The anger points at a fear, and the fear points at what you believe is at stake. That last thing is what you are actually dealing with.

Once it has passed, ask what you were afraid of in that moment, then ask whether the threat was really there. Being spoken over is not the same as…

Twenty minutesThe fear underneath angerCoreQur’an 21:87

Shouting it out does not empty the tank. Going over it loudly, in your head or at somebody, tends to keep the anger topped up rather than draining it.

There is a difference between letting pressure out of the body and rehearsing the grievance. A walk, a swim, hard cleaning, prayer: all of that…

Twenty minutesCool the body firstBody basedQur’an 89:27

Anger leaves fuel in the body with nowhere to go. Spend it on something physical, without replaying the argument while you do.

This is not getting it off your chest. The target is the surplus energy, so stairs, a brisk walk, or a hard ten minutes of almost anything will do…

Twenty minutesCool the body firstBody basedQur’an 28:73

When all you can say is that something happened and you went off, take it apart in five pieces: what set it off, how you read it, what your body did, what you made it mean, and what you wanted to do next.

Written out on paper it usually stops being a blur. You often find the trigger was small and the meaning was enormous, or that your body was already…

Twenty minutesEmotions as signalsEmotionally focusedQur’an 91:7

To react is to act again. Some of what fires in you belongs to an older scene, and the person in front of you has simply walked into it.

This is not a way of excusing what you do, it is a way of aiming the work. When a reaction is far bigger than the moment deserves, ask what it…

Twenty minutesThe moment before you snapCoreQur’an 13:11

Most of us rehearse the crushing line we wish we had said. Try spending that same time writing what you would actually like to say next time, and keep it short enough to remember.

Take one real episode from the past week and write two things: what happened, and one sentence you would rather have used. Something like I am…

Twenty minutesThe moment before you snapCBTQur’an 41:34

Some anger arrives with an argument already inside it: that they disrespected you, that this is not how you are meant to be treated. It burns cooler than the sudden kind and it lasts much longer.

Because it is made of a story, it can be handled at the level of the story. What did that gesture actually mean. What would it mean if they were…

Twenty minutesWhat anger actually isCoreQur’an 5:8

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.