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Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

Narrowed down

5 practices

Shame On my own Under stress Clear all

How long you have

A minute 2 Five minutes 1 Twenty minutes 2

Who it is written for

A practitioner 5 Me 5 My husband or wife 1 Someone I care about 1

On your own, or with someone · On my own

On my own 5 Both of us together 3

Theme · Shame

Cool the body first 30 The moment before you snap 30 Grounding and settling 27 Choosing your response 26 Touch and bodywork 22 Your nervous system 20 What anger actually is 18 The fear underneath anger 15 Equanimity and perspective 14 Breathing 10 Tolerate distress 10 Feelings and focus 9 Staying regulated in conflict 9 Feeling from the inside 8 Moving your body 7 Practising under provocation 7 Medication and how it works 7 Systems for daily life 6 Bringing the future closer 6 Making it stick 6 What worry does 5 Food, caffeine and fuel 5 Shame 5 Question the thought 5 Breaking the worry loop 5 Shame and stigma 4 Get started 4 Facing it a step at a time 4 What you are actually defending 4 Letting it out safely 4 When everything feels flat 4 Treatment and medication 4 Calm the body 3 Emotions as signals 3 Growing empathy 3 Let the wave come 3 Name what you feel 3 Obsessions and compulsions 3 Posture and how you carry yourself 3 Righteous anger and perfectionism 3 Working with anger 3 Your sense of time 2 Screens and attention 2 Safety and grounding 2 Ride the urge 2 Patience and trust 2 Exercise, food and other supports 2 Meaning after harm 2 Knowing your partner 2 Getting assessed and diagnosed 2 When you use something to cope 2 Being seen and judged 2 Answering bids 2 When anger turns to harm 2 Self-compassion 2 Listen to the body 1 Validate yourself and others 1 What ADHD actually is 1 Reading, numbers and learning differences 1 Act on your values 1 Remembering to do it 1 Your window of tolerance 1 Affection and touch 1 Rebuild trust 1 Anger, alcohol and the body 1 Panic and the body 1 The cost of avoiding 1 Care for yourself in loss 1

Approach

Trauma informed 4 Emotionally focused 1

When · Under stress

Under stress 5 Any ordinary day 4 After a row 1

Shame is visible before it is spoken. Shallow breath, eyes down, shoulders curling in, a voice gone small: the body says it first.

Learn your own version so you can catch it early, and learn to spot it in others without pointing at it like a diagnosis. When you notice the…

A minuteShameTrauma informedQur’an 20:121

Change the sentence from 'I am bad' to 'I am feeling bad right now'. It is a small grammatical move and it changes what you are actually dealing with.

One is a permanent description of you, the other is weather. Weather you can wait out, describe, get curious about, tell someone about. Try saying…

A minuteShameTrauma informedQur’an 6:54

Shame does something cruel. It makes you want to disappear from the very person whose warmth would settle it, so if you notice yourself going quiet and pulling back, that pull is the shame talking rather than the truth about you.

Watch for the small retreats. Not answering a message, keeping an answer short, changing the subject when someone asks how you are. You do not have…

Five minutesShameEmotionally focusedQur’an 39:53

Shame works like a lid. While it is on, the anger and the sadness underneath stay out of reach, which is why going straight for them so rarely works.

If you keep trying to cry and nothing comes, or you know you should be furious and feel only flat and small, look at what is sitting on top. Naming…

Twenty minutesShameTrauma informedQur’an 12:87

Under most shame something else is waiting: anger at what was done, or grief for what was missed. That is the material worth reaching for.

You will know you are getting close when the flatness starts to move, often as heat in the chest or a lump in the throat. Anger in particular tends…

Twenty minutesShameTrauma informedQur’an 93:8

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.