Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

Narrowed down

13 practices

Righteous anger and perfectionism On my own Clear all

How long you have

A minute 2 Five minutes 8 Twenty minutes 3

Who it is written for

A practitioner 13 Me 12 Someone I care about 8

Where you are right now

Coping, mostly 12 Struggling right now 1

On your own, or with someone · On my own

On my own 13 Involves someone else 3 Both of us together 1

Theme · Righteous anger and perfectionism

Your nervous system 108Medication and how it works 83 What anger actually is 83 The moment before you snap 76 Choosing your response 73 Get started 65 Systems for daily life 62 Grounding and settling 60 The fear underneath anger 57 Equanimity and perspective 57 Cool the body first 55 Touch and bodywork 52 Your sense of time 52 Food, caffeine and fuel 49 What ADHD actually is 49 Moving your body 48 Bringing the future closer 46 Exercise, food and other supports 44 When everything feels flat 44 Treatment and medication 43 Getting assessed and diagnosed 42 Feelings and focus 38 Practising under provocation 36 Staying regulated in conflict 36 Screens and attention 31 Shame and stigma 30 Making it stick 29 Breathing 28 Structure and routine 25 Treatment and medication 24 What worry does 24 Feeling from the inside 23 Tolerate distress 23 Being seen and judged 22 What you are actually defending 21 Growing empathy 20 Remembering to do it 20 When you use something to cope 19 Reading, numbers and learning differences 14 Breaking the worry loop 13 Obsessions and compulsions 13 Answering bids 13 Fondness and admiration 13 Righteous anger and perfectionism 13 Self-compassion 12 Emotions as signals 12 Question the thought 11 Facing it a step at a time 11 Knowing your partner 10 Shame 10 Use your strengths 9 Anger, alcohol and the body 8 Posture and how you carry yourself 8 Repair after rupture 8 Shared spiritual life 7 Gratitude 7 When anger turns to harm 7 Living with uncertainty 4 Meaning after harm 4 Letting it out safely 4 When you go numb 4 Your worth is not conditional 3 Calm the body 3 Act on your values 3 Name what you feel 3 Working with anger 3 Notice the pattern and flex 3 Let the wave come 3 Rest and pacing 3 Rebuilding trust 3 Safety and grounding 3 Keep the bond 2 Get it out of your head 2 Listen to the body 2 Your window of tolerance 2 Work with your brain 2 Find meaning 2 Rituals of connection 2 Face it gently 2 Ride the urge 2 Care for yourself in loss 2 Hold a boundary 2 Affection and touch 2 The cost of avoiding 2 Patience and trust 2 Panic and the body 2 Listening and understanding 1 Validate yourself and others 1

When

Any ordinary day 10 Under stress 3

Certainty feels good. That sudden clean sense of knowing exactly who is in the wrong is part of what keeps anger coming back, so it is worth noticing as a pleasure rather than as proof.

Anger tidies things up. The doubt goes, the mixed feelings go, and for a moment you know where you stand. Take that away without putting anything in…

A minuteRighteous anger and perfectionismCoreQur’an 53:32

When someone is in full flood, leaving is allowed. Getting out of the way of a person who is past listening is a skill, not a defeat.

You can say where you are going and that you will come back to it, which keeps it from reading as punishment. This matters most for anyone who was…

A minuteRighteous anger and perfectionismCoreQur’an 42:41

If you are simmering most days and cannot point to what set it off, look at the standards you are running rather than at the day itself. A rule that is never quite met keeps producing small failures for you to react to.

Try listing what you expected of this morning, hour by hour, and see how many of those expectations were met exactly. Most people find a long tail of…

Five minutesRighteous anger and perfectionismCoreQur’an 2:185

However you speak to yourself about your own mistakes is usually how you will end up thinking about other people's. Going easier on yourself is not a treat you have not earned, it is part of getting easier on everyone else.

Watch for it in small moments. You snap at someone for being slow, and if you are honest you would have flayed yourself for exactly the same thing.…

Five minutesRighteous anger and perfectionismCoreQur’an 4:28

Some anger is really an expectation that will not be put down. The other person has moved on, the thing is over, and you are still holding the version of how it should have gone.

The tell is a short fuse over things that barely matter: a queue, a misplaced item, someone doing a job their own way. When frustration arrives that…

Five minutesRighteous anger and perfectionismCoreQur’an 23:62

When something is genuinely wrong, try saying the whole sentence: this is wrong, it should not be like this, and it is. Then ask how it came to be, before asking what to do.

The word should keeps you in the courtroom, where the only available outcome is a verdict. Asking why moves you into how the thing actually happened,…

Five minutesRighteous anger and perfectionismCoreQur’an 49:9

Anger that your friends, your feed or your workplace rewards is the hardest kind to put down, because letting it go costs you something socially.

Notice what would happen if you said the softer, more complicated thing in a group that is enjoying being angry together. If the honest answer is…

Five minutesRighteous anger and perfectionismCoreQur’an 5:8

A fair share of what angers you each day was selected for you, because outrage is what holds attention. Worth asking what you are being served, and how often.

Look back at the last hour of scrolling and count how many items were built to get exactly the reaction you gave them. You do not have to swear off…

Five minutesRighteous anger and perfectionismCoreQur’an 49:6

Some of what makes people angry is far bigger than any one conversation can settle. Saying that plainly is not giving up, it stops you carrying what was never yours.

If you are the calm one, at work or in a family or in a consulting room, there is a steady pull towards feeling you ought to be able to sort out the…

Five minutesRighteous anger and perfectionismCoreQur’an 22:78

The alarm system behind your anger cannot be beaten into silence. It settles when it is understood and soothed, which is slower and far more reliable.

So the moves that work are unglamorous: naming what is happening, granting that it made sense, taking the fear seriously instead of arguing it down.…

Five minutesRighteous anger and perfectionismCoreQur’an 3:159

If you carry a firm picture of how the world is supposed to work, the world will break it several times a day. No coping skill outpaces a supply of grievance that never runs out.

This is not a case for caring less about fairness. It is about telling apart an injustice you could act on from the general refusal of life to be…

Twenty minutesRighteous anger and perfectionismCoreQur’an 3:104

Anger runs on the word should, and should is a word about debt. Write out what you believe this person owes you, then mark which of those they ever actually agreed to.

Most lists come out in two parts. There are the real agreements, said out loud and accepted, and there are the ones you assumed any decent person…

Twenty minutesRighteous anger and perfectionismCoreQur’an 4:58

Anger sticks around because it works, at least in the short run. Before trying to put it down, be honest about what it has been buying you.

Usually it is some form of leverage: people move faster, back down, stop asking. Sometimes it is plainer than that, a way to feel like something…

Twenty minutesRighteous anger and perfectionismCoreQur’an 9:105

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