Practices

With vaping the pull is often not the hit at all. It is knowing the thing is there in your pocket if you need it.

One fifteen year old described it exactly that way: the comfort was that she could, not that she did. If that is your pattern the work sits in two…

Let your face go. Unclench the jaw, let the lips lift very slightly, and let the loosening carry back through your head and shoulders.

You are not pretending to be happy and nobody has to see it. The face holds a lot of the tension of a bad state, and it is one of the few parts you…

You are allowed to put something down. Put it down with a time to pick it up again: Thursday morning, with my therapist, not tonight.

Without the appointment, setting it aside quietly turns into never touching it, and the thing keeps all its power by never being looked at. With the…

Putting a film on, reading, letting the internet have an hour, all of it counts as a real skill when you choose it on purpose and know what you are choosing it for.

The version that hurts is the one you fall into without deciding and feel ashamed of afterwards. Choosing changes the whole thing: I am not up to…

When a feeling is genuinely unbearable, escaping it is the only regulator you have, so the drinking or the shutting down is doing a job. Build up what you can bear and the job disappears.

It helps to stop asking why you keep reaching for the thing and start asking what state you were in just before you reached. Usually it is a…