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Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

Narrowed down

367 practices
My husband or wife remove filterClear all
Area
Your marriage 224Focus, starting, and ADHD 58Low mood and hard feelings 41Anger 40Your body 4
How long you have
A minute 188Five minutes 115Twenty minutes 57Longer 7
Who it is written for · My husband or wife
A practitioner 2485Me 2455Someone I care about 1570My husband or wife 367
Where you are right now
Coping, mostly 312Struggling right now 48Getting ready for something 7
On your own, or with someone
Involves someone else 160On my own 153Both of us together 54
Theme
Staying regulated in conflict 60Emotions as signals 30Knowing your partner 25Answering bids 24Feelings and focus 23Repair after rupture 19Shared spiritual life 17Affection and touch 15Fondness and admiration 15Rebuilding trust 14Rituals of connection 13Listening and understanding 13Treatment and medication 9What anger actually is 9Gratitude 9Remembering to do it 8Choosing your response 7The moment before you snap 7When you go numb 6Equanimity and perspective 6Bringing the future closer 6Shame 5Growing empathy 5Your nervous system 4Systems for daily life 4Practising under provocation 3Your sense of time 3What you are actually defending 2What ADHD actually is 2Get started 2Use your strengths 1The fear underneath anger 1
Approach
Gottman 113Emotionally focused 104Core 75ADHD skills 48Medical and treatment 11Body based 7Mindfulness 5CBT 4
When
Any ordinary day 177After a row 101Under stress 67Coming and going 11When apart 6Something good 4In a change 1

Anger moves from person to person in a house, and so does steadiness. Working on your own reactions was never a private project.

You are one of the conditions everyone around you is responding to. When your fuse lengthens, the number of moments that turn into an incident drops…

LongerWhat anger actually isCoreQur’an 59:10

When your thinking comes back online mid-argument, say so and offer a restart. I could feel myself getting defensive and this is not helping either of us, shall we try that again?

Most people escalate sometimes. The skill worth having is not never starting but knowing how to get out once you have. Naming it yourself gives the…

A minuteWhat you are actually defendingCoreQur’an 12:92

Say what you would prefer and what you will do, not what they have to feel. I do not like being spoken to this way, and if it carries on I am going to step out of the conversation.

The difference is small and it changes everything. A demand needs their cooperation to succeed, so it can be refused, and being refused is where the…

Five minutesWhat you are actually defendingCoreQur’an 42:41

Reaching for another person when you are wound up is not a distraction from coping. Contact can turn the alarm down at the source.

This is why a short call, a message to someone who knows you, or sitting in the same room as family is worth doing before you get as far as the…

Five minutesYour nervous systemBody basedQur’an 13:28

When someone is frightened, your words may not reach them however sensible they are. Drop your voice, slow right down, and let the tone do the work.

In high alarm, hearing tips towards low rumbling sounds and away from the range the human voice sits in, so reassurance can genuinely fail to land.…

Five minutesYour nervous systemBody basedQur’an 7:205

When someone cannot take in your reassurance while they are frightened, that is the receiver and not their willingness. Wait for the wave to pass and try again.

In high arousal, hearing shifts away from the band the human voice occupies, so kind words can genuinely arrive as noise. It is easy to read that as…

Five minutesYour nervous systemBody basedQur’an 20:46

Connection settles people, but the right amount of it varies enormously. Some settle with a house full of family and some with one person and no talking at all.

If closeness costs you something, plan around that rather than pushing through. Shorter visits, sitting side by side instead of face to face, a walk…

Twenty minutesYour nervous systemBody basedQur’an 2:260

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.