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Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

Narrowed down

9 practices
Answering bids remove filterMe remove filterUnder stress remove filterClear all
How long you have
A minute 8Twenty minutes 1
Who it is written for · Me
My husband or wife 9Me 9
On your own, or with someone
Involves someone else 7On my own 2
Theme · Answering bids
The moment before you snap 32Cool the body first 30Grounding and settling 29Choosing your response 28Touch and bodywork 22Staying regulated in conflict 20Your nervous system 19What anger actually is 18The fear underneath anger 15Equanimity and perspective 15Feelings and focus 12Tolerate distress 11Breathing 10Answering bids 9Systems for daily life 9Practising under provocation 8Feeling from the inside 8Moving your body 8Medication and how it works 7What worry does 7Making it stick 6Bringing the future closer 6Affection and touch 6Shame 6Breaking the worry loop 6When everything feels flat 5Food, caffeine and fuel 5Knowing your partner 5Question the thought 5Treatment and medication 5What you are actually defending 5Growing empathy 4Get started 4Getting assessed and diagnosed 4Shame and stigma 4Letting it out safely 4Posture and how you carry yourself 4Emotions as signals 4Facing it a step at a time 3Righteous anger and perfectionism 3Safety and grounding 3Screens and attention 3Exercise, food and other supports 3Obsessions and compulsions 3Name what you feel 3Working with anger 3Listening and understanding 3Let the wave come 3Calm the body 3Being seen and judged 3The cost of avoiding 3When anger turns to harm 2Patience and trust 2Your sense of time 2Self-compassion 2When you use something to cope 2Rebuild trust 2Ride the urge 2Meaning after harm 2Structure and routine 1Rest and pacing 1Repair after rupture 1Anger, alcohol and the body 1Treatment and medication 1What ADHD actually is 1Validate yourself and others 1Act on your values 1Your window of tolerance 1Care for yourself in loss 1Remembering to do it 1Listen to the body 1Panic and the body 1Shared spiritual life 1
Approach
Emotionally focused 5Gottman 2Core 2
When · Under stress
Any ordinary day 12Under stress 9Something good 3

When your spouse reaches for you today, stop and answer, do not leave them waiting.

The reach may be small: a look, a text, a sigh. Being reachable is the whole thing.

A minuteAnswering bidsEmotionally focusedQur’an 2:186

When your spouse is struggling today, be with them in it before offering any solution.

Resist the fix. First that sounds so hard, I am here. Solutions can come later, if at all.

A minuteAnswering bidsEmotionally focusedQur’an 3:159

Hear the real question under most conflict: are you there for me? Are you accessible, responsive, and engaged with me?

Beneath the argument about chores or money is an attachment question: can I reach you, do I matter, will you respond when I need you? Answering that…

A minuteAnswering bidsEmotionally focusedQur’an 2:186

In a raw, vulnerable moment, ask your partner directly for comfort and reassurance instead of hiding the need.

When you are hurting, the brave move is to say plainly what you need, hold me, tell me we are okay, rather than testing your partner or going silent.…

A minuteAnswering bidsEmotionally focusedQur’an 28:24

When your partner is distressed, the answer is not a fix but your presence: be with them, feel it with them, stay.

Disconnection is healed less by solving the problem than by emotional presence, being genuinely there, attuned and engaged, so your partner does not…

A minuteAnswering bidsEmotionally focusedQur’an 20:46

Ask which kind of support they want today rather than deciding for them.

Sometimes it is help, sometimes only company; asking spares you both the wrong gift.

A minuteAnswering bidsCoreQur’an 42:38

Before you respond, say back what you heard them mean.

Being understood, even before being agreed with, settles almost everything.

A minuteAnswering bidsCoreQur’an 42:38

When your partner is up against something, take their side: this is our problem, we will face it together.

Even if you see the other side, do not side with the enemy against your partner. Stand with them first.

A minuteAnswering bidsGottmanQur’an 9:71

Once today, ask about a stress from outside the two of you, then just listen. No fixing.

Twenty minutes on their side. Your only job is to understand and be on their team.

Twenty minutesAnswering bidsGottmanQur’an 30:21

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.