Practices

When someone says they feel nothing, find out where the nothing reaches. All the time, or only towards good things, or only here, in this conversation, when criticism is in the air?

The three answers point in quite different directions. Numb everywhere, day and night, is worth taking to a doctor. Numb to good things while the bad…

If a medicine has taken the edge off everything, including the good things, that is worth raising with whoever prescribed it. Taking the sharpness out of pain is one thing. Feeling nothing at all is not a way to live.

It matters practically as well as personally. Anything you are trying to change, in a relationship or in yourself, needs some feeling to work with,…

Going still and needing nothing is usually something a person worked out young, somewhere it was the sensible answer.

If reaching out met dismissal, or worse, then not reaching out is not a flaw of character. A child who stops asking, stops showing what they feel and…

Pulling back makes you harder to reach, which makes people give up on reaching, which looks like proof that nobody was coming. The loop closes itself.

Being told to open up rarely breaks it, because opening up in one go is exactly the risk the whole strategy exists to prevent. What breaks it is…

The thing your obsession keeps circling is usually something you care about a great deal. Contamination worry sits on top of wanting people safe, and harm worry sits on top of never wanting to hurt anyone.

This is worth saying out loud, because most people carry these themes as proof that something is rotten in them. Read the other way round, the theme…

What the thought is about matters far less than what happens next. Germs, illness, something too silly to say aloud: the machinery running underneath is the same in each case.

Chasing the content puts you in a game that cannot be won, because the moment one worry is settled the next turns up wearing different clothes. The…

Notice how when one worry is finally settled, another takes its place. That pattern is the thing you are actually dealing with, more than whichever worry is currently in the chair.

Most people work this out for themselves long before anyone names it. Naming it still helps, because it gives you something to watch that is bigger…

Some worries are perfectly reasonable, and settling them still will not settle you. Someone living where the storms come can build the kit, check the kit, and find the worry has quietly moved on to something else.

This one is worth testing on yourself, because it removes the argument that you would be fine if only the fear were irrational. The probability was…

Fears of doing something terrible, of hurting an animal or a person, are not treated by moving closer to the act. Nobody should be walking you up a ladder towards the thing you are terrified of doing.

These thoughts sit at the far end from wanting. They horrify you, which is exactly why they stick to you. The work goes on what you have decided the…

Plenty of people quietly believe that thinking about something bad makes it more likely to happen. It has a name, it is a known part of this condition, and having the belief does not make you dangerous.

Hearing that it is a documented feature tends to do more than any argument about probability, because arguing about odds is a game the doubt plays…

If you are stuck on whether having a thought makes you a bad person, that question is a symptom and not a case waiting to be settled. Name it as scrupulosity and let it stand unanswered.

Debating your moral standing is where this gets its fuel, and every reassurance you win, from a friend, an imam, a search at midnight, buys less time…

It can help to give the parts of your brain jobs. The front of your head is the manager, the memory system is the librarian, and the alarm is a security guard who is good at his work and far too keen on it.

The point is not accuracy, it is having language you can reach for quickly. Saying the guard is overreacting again gets you further than trying to…

If stopping the ritual is out of reach for now, do it differently every time. Different order, different hand, different room, as long as it is never the same twice.

Compulsions take a lot of their grip from exactness, and disturbing the shape loosens that grip while you are still allowed to do the thing. It also…

Neurofeedback rests on a tidy idea: in ADHD the slower theta rhythm shows up when the faster beta rhythm should be running, so the training rewards you for shifting the balance. Knowing the idea is worth a few minutes, because it is what the brochure is built on.

Electrodes sit on the scalp, a screen animates when the signal moves the wanted way, and the person practises staying in a state of relaxed…

Ask what happens after the course ends, not only what happens during it. A gain that fades once the sessions stop was probably never a change in the person.

Neurofeedback tends to look decent while it is being delivered and then drift back, and the studies that followed people afterwards did not find…

Before committing to a course that runs into thousands, set the same money next to the other things it could buy. Tutoring, a proper assessment, a medication review and a well tested psychosocial programme all sit in the same envelope.

Neurofeedback courses often run for a month or more, insurers rarely pay, and the training of whoever delivers it varies a great deal. The cost is…

When you read that a treatment worked, look for who judged the improvement and whether they knew what the child had been given. In much of this literature, they knew.

The design to look for is a sham condition, where everybody goes through the same routine and only some receive the active ingredient, with the…

Brain training games make you better at the game. Sadly, that improvement tends to stay inside the game.

Sorting shapes faster or planning a conveyor belt more smoothly comes from learning the task, not from stretching a capacity, so the classroom and…

Regulators let devices through by several different routes, and only some of them mean what a family assumes. A game cleared for further investigation has not passed the bar a medicine passes.

The word approval carries an authority that advertising borrows freely, and device pathways are shorter and lighter than the ones drugs travel. It is…

Programmes built on tones through headphones and balance drills have not been shown to help ADHD. If a child does seem steadier during them, the likeliest reason is that something is occupying the part of them that goes looking for stimulation.

That effect is real enough, and it is cheap to get elsewhere. A walk, a job with the hands, background sound they choose themselves, all of it…