Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

Narrowed down

12 practices
How long you have · A minute
Who it is written for · Me
Where you are right now
On your own, or with someone
Theme · Structure and routine
Staying regulated in conflict 46The moment before you snap 39Choosing your response 36Cool the body first 33What anger actually is 25Grounding and settling 24Your nervous system 24Medication and how it works 23Bringing the future closer 22Answering bids 22Systems for daily life 22The fear underneath anger 21Get started 20Equanimity and perspective 17Fondness and admiration 15Your sense of time 15Practising under provocation 14Treatment and medication 14Knowing your partner 14Affection and touch 14Making it stick 13Repair after rupture 13Growing empathy 13Structure and routine 12Touch and bodywork 12Feelings and focus 12Food, caffeine and fuel 11Breathing 9Gratitude 9Being seen and judged 8Listening and understanding 8When everything feels flat 8Exercise, food and other supports 8What ADHD actually is 7Remembering to do it 7Tolerate distress 7Getting assessed and diagnosed 7Moving your body 7Treatment and medication 6What worry does 6What you are actually defending 6Shared spiritual life 6Rituals of connection 6Screens and attention 5Rebuilding trust 5Shame and stigma 5Posture and how you carry yourself 5Feeling from the inside 4Question the thought 4Self-compassion 4Safety and grounding 3Name what you feel 3Emotions as signals 3Patience and trust 2Obsessions and compulsions 2Shame 2Righteous anger and perfectionism 2Ride the urge 2Validate yourself and others 2Notice the pattern and flex 2Meaning after harm 2Working with anger 2Breaking the worry loop 2Your worth is not conditional 2Let the wave come 2Hold a boundary 2Facing it a step at a time 2When you use something to cope 2Calm the body 2The cost of avoiding 2Care for yourself in loss 1Help someone grieving 1When you go numb 1Get it out of your head 1Act on your values 1Panic and the body 1Ask and say no well 1Listen to the body 1Your window of tolerance 1Face it gently 1Letting it out safely 1Rest and pacing 1Anger, alcohol and the body 1Keep the bond 1

You do not have to use it perfectly for it to help. Using it half the time makes your week roughly half better, and that is a real gain rather than a consolation prize.

Watch for the all or nothing turn, because it is what usually ends these attempts. One missed entry, then the whole thing gets declared broken and…

A minuteStructure and routineADHD skillsQur’an 2:185

Rather than arguing that someone ought to get organised, ask one question. Would your life be better if fewer things slipped, fewer people were annoyed with you, and you spent less of the day worrying about what you had forgotten?

The answer is nearly always yes, and it lands differently when the person says it instead of hearing it. Keep the list concrete and drawn from their…

A minuteStructure and routineADHD skillsQur’an 11:114

Writing Tuesday at two in your diary is not a vow. If Tuesday comes and something else matters more, move it. At least it had a chance of happening.

A surprising number of people avoid writing anything down because it feels binding, as though the ink made it a promise. Left unsaid, that quietly…

A minuteStructure and routineADHD skillsQur’an 4:28

Whatever you estimate, add to it. Fifteen minutes is the figure you get at midnight with empty roads; at midday the same trip takes twenty five.

Do not try to estimate better, since accurate estimating is the thing that is hard. Use a rule you can apply without judgement instead: take your…

A minuteStructure and routineADHD skillsQur’an 31:19

When you book something, put everything into the entry there and then: the address, the phone number, what you have to bring. You will never have that information more easily to hand than at the moment of booking.

The alternative is standing on the pavement at ten to one, searching for which branch it was, with the insurance card at home. Booking is already a…

A minuteStructure and routineADHD skillsQur’an 2:238

Think of a calendar as memory kept outside your head rather than as a test of discipline. Its whole job is to answer what you should be doing now, so that you do not have to work it out.

That framing matters if planners have ever felt like a judgement on you. Nobody expects anyone to hold a phone number in their head any more. The…

A minuteStructure and routineADHD skillsQur’an 6:96

The benefit comes from how often you touch it. Writing something in is a rehearsal, looking it up is a reminder, and by the time the day arrives you have met it so many times that nothing takes you by surprise.

Which is why a scruffy system used constantly beats an elegant one opened weekly. Give yourself a couple of fixed moments to look, first thing and…

A minuteStructure and routineADHD skillsQur’an 33:35

If you are the sort who leaves at the last possible second, the entry has to hold everything you need in order to walk out of the door. Address, door code, what to bring, who to ring if you get stuck.

At five minutes to, you cannot search well and you cannot think of what you have forgotten. That is the wrong moment to be finding anything out. Get…

A minuteStructure and routineADHD skillsQur’an 24:36

A three o'clock appointment half an hour away is a half past two appointment. Put the true start time in and let the calendar hold it, rather than asking yourself to work it out on the day.

Lateness usually comes from anchoring on the time printed on the letter and treating the journey as though it cost nothing. Writing the leaving time…

A minuteStructure and routineADHD skillsQur’an 36:40

Putting something in the calendar does not sign you up for life. If Wednesday turns out wrong, drag it to Thursday. The entry is a plan, and plans are allowed to change.

People who fear being locked in tend to end up with an empty calendar and a full head, which is the worse of the two problems. Say the permission out…

A minuteStructure and routineADHD skillsQur’an 25:62

Attach a new habit to one you already do: after wudu, I read one page.

Let an existing routine carry the new thing. You are borrowing momentum you already have.

A minuteStructure and routineADHD skillsQur’an 31:19

Do the task at the same time and place each day, so the setting starts to do the reminding.

Novelty costs a mind like yours energy. Sameness of time and place buys that energy back.

A minuteStructure and routineADHD skillsQur’an 87:8

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.