Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

Narrowed down

13 practices

Righteous anger and perfectionism Me Clear all

How long you have

A minute 2 Five minutes 8 Twenty minutes 3

Who it is written for · Me

A practitioner 17 Me 13 Someone I care about 12

Where you are right now

Coping, mostly 12 Struggling right now 1

On your own, or with someone

On my own 12 Both of us together 1

Theme · Righteous anger and perfectionism

Medication and how it works 155Your nervous system 113Systems for daily life 103What anger actually is 89 The moment before you snap 88 Choosing your response 81 Get started 73 Grounding and settling 67 Equanimity and perspective 66 Moving your body 63 Cool the body first 61 Staying regulated in conflict 60 Food, caffeine and fuel 59 Feelings and focus 58 The fear underneath anger 58 Bringing the future closer 58 Your sense of time 58 Touch and bodywork 56 Getting assessed and diagnosed 50 What ADHD actually is 48 Practising under provocation 46 Exercise, food and other supports 46 When everything feels flat 44 Treatment and medication 42 Screens and attention 40 Breathing 34 Growing empathy 34 Shame and stigma 30 Being seen and judged 30 Making it stick 30 Structure and routine 28 Remembering to do it 26 Tolerate distress 26 Knowing your partner 25 Treatment and medication 25 What worry does 25 Answering bids 24 What you are actually defending 23 Feeling from the inside 23 Breaking the worry loop 23 Emotions as signals 22 When you use something to cope 22 Repair after rupture 19 Facing it a step at a time 18 Shared spiritual life 17 Rebuilding trust 17 Fondness and admiration 15 Affection and touch 15 Obsessions and compulsions 14 Rituals of connection 13 Posture and how you carry yourself 13 Righteous anger and perfectionism 13 Shame 13 Listening and understanding 13 Self-compassion 12 Question the thought 11 Use your strengths 10 Gratitude 9 Anger, alcohol and the body 8 The cost of avoiding 7 When you go numb 5 Rest and pacing 5 Living with uncertainty 5 When anger turns to harm 5 Letting it out safely 4 Safety and grounding 4 Meaning after harm 4 Let the wave come 3 Act on your values 3 Working with anger 3 Name what you feel 3 Panic and the body 3 Your worth is not conditional 3 Notice the pattern and flex 3 Calm the body 3 Ask and say no well 2 Hold a boundary 2 Help someone grieving 2 Ride the urge 2 Get it out of your head 2 Validate yourself and others 2 Patience and trust 2 Your window of tolerance 2 Work with your brain 2 Face it gently 2 Find meaning 2 Listen to the body 2 Care for yourself in loss 2 Reading, numbers and learning differences 2 Keep the bond 2

When

Any ordinary day 10 Under stress 3

Certainty feels good. That sudden clean sense of knowing exactly who is in the wrong is part of what keeps anger coming back, so it is worth noticing as a pleasure rather than as proof.

Anger tidies things up. The doubt goes, the mixed feelings go, and for a moment you know where you stand. Take that away without putting anything in…

A minuteRighteous anger and perfectionismCoreQur’an 53:32

When someone is in full flood, leaving is allowed. Getting out of the way of a person who is past listening is a skill, not a defeat.

You can say where you are going and that you will come back to it, which keeps it from reading as punishment. This matters most for anyone who was…

A minuteRighteous anger and perfectionismCoreQur’an 42:41

If you are simmering most days and cannot point to what set it off, look at the standards you are running rather than at the day itself. A rule that is never quite met keeps producing small failures for you to react to.

Try listing what you expected of this morning, hour by hour, and see how many of those expectations were met exactly. Most people find a long tail of…

Five minutesRighteous anger and perfectionismCoreQur’an 2:185

However you speak to yourself about your own mistakes is usually how you will end up thinking about other people's. Going easier on yourself is not a treat you have not earned, it is part of getting easier on everyone else.

Watch for it in small moments. You snap at someone for being slow, and if you are honest you would have flayed yourself for exactly the same thing.…

Five minutesRighteous anger and perfectionismCoreQur’an 4:28

Some anger is really an expectation that will not be put down. The other person has moved on, the thing is over, and you are still holding the version of how it should have gone.

The tell is a short fuse over things that barely matter: a queue, a misplaced item, someone doing a job their own way. When frustration arrives that…

Five minutesRighteous anger and perfectionismCoreQur’an 23:62

When something is genuinely wrong, try saying the whole sentence: this is wrong, it should not be like this, and it is. Then ask how it came to be, before asking what to do.

The word should keeps you in the courtroom, where the only available outcome is a verdict. Asking why moves you into how the thing actually happened,…

Five minutesRighteous anger and perfectionismCoreQur’an 49:9

Anger that your friends, your feed or your workplace rewards is the hardest kind to put down, because letting it go costs you something socially.

Notice what would happen if you said the softer, more complicated thing in a group that is enjoying being angry together. If the honest answer is…

Five minutesRighteous anger and perfectionismCoreQur’an 5:8

There is a steadiness worth aiming for: hearing someone disagree with you without either going off at them or going quiet and small.

Those are the two ways it usually falls over. Either the temper goes and the point is lost, or the confidence goes and you find yourself agreeing…

Five minutesRighteous anger and perfectionismCoreQur’an 31:17

A fair share of what angers you each day was selected for you, because outrage is what holds attention. Worth asking what you are being served, and how often.

Look back at the last hour of scrolling and count how many items were built to get exactly the reaction you gave them. You do not have to swear off…

Five minutesRighteous anger and perfectionismCoreQur’an 49:6

The alarm system behind your anger cannot be beaten into silence. It settles when it is understood and soothed, which is slower and far more reliable.

So the moves that work are unglamorous: naming what is happening, granting that it made sense, taking the fear seriously instead of arguing it down.…

Five minutesRighteous anger and perfectionismCoreQur’an 3:159

If you carry a firm picture of how the world is supposed to work, the world will break it several times a day. No coping skill outpaces a supply of grievance that never runs out.

This is not a case for caring less about fairness. It is about telling apart an injustice you could act on from the general refusal of life to be…

Twenty minutesRighteous anger and perfectionismCoreQur’an 3:104

Anger runs on the word should, and should is a word about debt. Write out what you believe this person owes you, then mark which of those they ever actually agreed to.

Most lists come out in two parts. There are the real agreements, said out loud and accepted, and there are the ones you assumed any decent person…

Twenty minutesRighteous anger and perfectionismCoreQur’an 4:58

Anger sticks around because it works, at least in the short run. Before trying to put it down, be honest about what it has been buying you.

Usually it is some form of leverage: people move faster, back down, stop asking. Sometimes it is plainer than that, a way to feel like something…

Twenty minutesRighteous anger and perfectionismCoreQur’an 9:105

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