Practices
Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.
Narrowed down
7 practicesHow long you have · A minute
Who it is written for · Someone I care about
On your own, or with someone
Theme · Choosing your response
Your mind sorts fast and rough. It matches what is happening now against something it has met before, and in a bad moment it rounds a raised eyebrow up to contempt.
Most rows start with a misreading rather than with faulty reasoning, which is why picking your conclusions apart afterwards changes so little. The…
Volume gets heard as aggression even when it is only urgency. Someone raising their voice is often just trying to be heard.
It runs in both directions. When you push your own volume up to make a point land, what arrives at the other person is an attack, and they answer the…
Before you decide someone is having a go at you, go looking for the boring physical explanation. A good deal of the time it is right there.
Ears blocked by headphones, a phone about to die, somebody who has not eaten since breakfast. Make the alternative concrete, because a vague thought…
Do not only correct the thought, correct the sentence. Rather than do not shout at me, try can you take those off, I want to talk to you.
Telling yourself to stay calm gives you nothing to do, and the ready-made sharp line is still the only thing in your mouth. A plain request gives all…
Picture a machine set to strike at anything that even slightly resembles a threat. It would hit the postman, the neighbour's dog and, sooner or later, a child in a muddy coat.
A low threshold feels like safety and is not. Every false alarm costs you something, and since the people nearest the sensor are the ones you live…
Not taking things personally is a question rather than a personality. The question is short: was that aimed at me, or was I simply standing there?
A lot of what lands on you was already travelling. The bad mood was made at work, or three years ago, or by whoever spoke to them just before you…
When somebody's voice climbs, let yours stay where it is. Staying level is not backing down, and in the room it usually reads as the stronger position.
Slow breathing, standing still, looking interested rather than braced: none of that is passive and none of it is agreement. An argument escalates…
Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.