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Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

Narrowed down

7 practices
Low mood and hard feelings remove filterCoping, mostly remove filterAfter a row remove filterClear all
Area · Low mood and hard feelings
Your marriage 54Anger 51Focus, starting, and ADHD 15Low mood and hard feelings 7Worry and anxiety 2Yourself and your limits 1Your body 1
How long you have
Five minutes 6Twenty minutes 1
Who it is written for
A practitioner 7Me 6My husband or wife 6Someone I care about 2
Where you are right now · Coping, mostly
Struggling right now 11Coping, mostly 7
On your own, or with someone
Involves someone else 3On my own 3Both of us together 1
Theme
Emotions as signals 6Tolerate distress 1
Approach
Emotionally focused 6DBT skills 1
When · After a row
Any ordinary day 57Under stress 24After a row 7In a change 4Coming and going 2When apart 2

There is a kind of anger that floods a room and a kind that arrives with a request inside it. The second one gets answered.

The difference is audible before it is anything else: the voice steadier, the sentence shorter, an actual ask at the end of it. I am angry, and what…

Five minutesEmotions as signalsEmotionally focusedQur’an 20:25

Nobody ever came for help because they were too happy. What arrives as irritation or flatness on the surface is usually fear, grief or shame underneath.

So when someone snaps at you, or when you go cold and clipped yourself, treat that as the top layer rather than the whole story. The useful question…

Five minutesEmotions as signalsEmotionally focusedQur’an 40:19

Go back to the second before you reacted. Not the argument, not the history, just that one second and what crossed you in it.

Most people have to genuinely search for the answer, and the searching is where the work happens rather than in whatever they eventually say.…

Five minutesEmotions as signalsEmotionally focusedQur’an 75:2

Watch for the swerve. Right after something tender gets said, along comes a story about a brother or a colleague or a thing from years ago, and the tender part quietly gets left behind.

Swerving is not dishonesty. It is what people do when a feeling gets close, and it works, which is exactly why it is so easy to follow along.…

Five minutesEmotions as signalsEmotionally focusedQur’an 21:87

If a conversation has wandered off and you have lost the thread, go back to the last thing that had real feeling in it, and go back using the words they used.

Not a summary of those words. The actual phrase: 'you said she has her standards and you will never meet them, and your eyes went red when you said…

Five minutesEmotions as signalsEmotionally focusedQur’an 21:83

When all you can say is that something happened and you went off, take it apart in five pieces: what set it off, how you read it, what your body did, what you made it mean, and what you wanted to do next.

Written out on paper it usually stops being a blur. You often find the trigger was small and the meaning was enormous, or that your body was already…

Twenty minutesEmotions as signalsEmotionally focusedQur’an 91:7

A calming skill handed over at the wrong moment reads as your anger is not welcome here. For someone taught as a child that their anger was unacceptable, that is the old prohibition arriving again in kinder clothes.

Let the anger be seen first. Say that it makes sense, that there is a reason for it, and only then offer anything that settles the body. The order…

Five minutesTolerate distressDBT skillsQur’an 2:45

There is more about low mood and hard feelings than the practices: the low mood and hard feelings area has the themes and the courses too.