Inshirahone small thing, well grounded
GuidesPracticesAboutGet help nowInshirah Academy

Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

Narrowed down

210 practices
After a row remove filterClear all
Area
Anger 88Your marriage 54Focus, starting, and ADHD 41Low mood and hard feelings 18Worry and anxiety 4Your body 4Yourself and your limits 1
How long you have
A minute 69Five minutes 114Twenty minutes 25Longer 2
Who it is written for
Me 183A practitioner 148My husband or wife 101Someone I care about 98
Where you are right now
Coping, mostly 131Struggling right now 79
On your own, or with someone
On my own 107Involves someone else 69Both of us together 34
Theme
Staying regulated in conflict 28What anger actually is 22Repair after rupture 15Equanimity and perspective 14The fear underneath anger 12Feelings and focus 11Rebuilding trust 9Cool the body first 9Emotions as signals 9The moment before you snap 7Choosing your response 7Practising under provocation 6Screens and attention 6Remembering to do it 5Tolerate distress 4Treatment and medication 4When anger turns to harm 3What ADHD actually is 3Shame and stigma 3Your sense of time 3When you go numb 3Bringing the future closer 3The cost of avoiding 2What you are actually defending 2Making it stick 2Getting assessed and diagnosed 2Growing empathy 2Your nervous system 2Shame 2Affection and touch 1Grounding and settling 1Use your strengths 1Fondness and admiration 1Validate yourself and others 1Righteous anger and perfectionism 1Facing it a step at a time 1Breaking the worry loop 1Anger, alcohol and the body 1Moving your body 1
Approach
Core 65ADHD skills 34Emotionally focused 33Gottman 23CBT 18Mindfulness 15Body based 12DBT skills 4Medical and treatment 4Trauma informed 2
When · After a row
Any ordinary day 1894Under stress 524After a row 210In a change 109Coming and going 90When apart 14Something good 6

Everyone knows the line about sticks and stones. If words really could not hurt you, you would not still be turning over what he said.

It is a rhyme we all agreed to and none of us believe. Rather than argue with it, set it beside the evidence: the words landed, so something in them…

Five minutesWhat anger actually isCoreQur’an 4:148

Some anger fires when your image takes a knock: your child playing up in a shop, your name left off something, a correction in front of other people. What got punctured was the picture of yourself.

The tell is the phrase, said or unsaid, that this reflects badly on me. Managing the triggers will not help much, because they are endless and small.…

Five minutesWhat anger actually isCoreQur’an 12:53

Being late on purpose, the joke with an edge, the job done just badly enough: that is anger at full strength, only sent by a quieter route.

People who do this often say honestly that they never get angry, and they believe it, because what they are picturing is shouting. The feeling is all…

Five minutesWhat anger actually isCoreQur’an 2:263

Anger feels righteous while it lasts. The useful moment comes later, when the regret shows up and the story has gone quiet.

Nobody changes course mid-shout, and pressing then only adds fuel. Hours or a day afterwards there is usually a stretch where a person is…

Twenty minutesWhat anger actually isCoreQur’an 21:87

Some anger arrives with an argument already inside it: that they disrespected you, that this is not how you are meant to be treated. It burns cooler than the sudden kind and it lasts much longer.

Because it is made of a story, it can be handled at the level of the story. What did that gesture actually mean. What would it mean if they were…

Twenty minutesWhat anger actually isCoreQur’an 5:8

Demanding respect quietly puts you below the person you are demanding it from. You are asking for something only they can hand over, which makes you the one in need.

That is an odd position for a stance meant to prove you will not be pushed around. To anyone watching it usually reads as need rather than strength.…

Five minutesWhat you are actually defendingCoreQur’an 28:83

Say what you would prefer and what you will do, not what they have to feel. I do not like being spoken to this way, and if it carries on I am going to step out of the conversation.

The difference is small and it changes everything. A demand needs their cooperation to succeed, so it can be refused, and being refused is where the…

Five minutesWhat you are actually defendingCoreQur’an 42:41

Sourness, shutting down, snapping at everyone: these are as often worry as they are attitude. The person is not giving you a hard time, they are having one.

This matters because of what happens next. Read it as rudeness and the house responds with punishment, which adds to the load that produced the…

Five minutesBreaking the worry loopCBTQur’an 41:36

Freezing is not something you decided on. It is what was left once the other options had gone.

A mouse does not try to charm a cat. It runs, and if it is caught it goes limp, and none of that is a considered plan. People ask themselves for…

A minuteYour nervous systemBody basedQur’an 91:7

If you start shaking or trembling after a fright, or partway through a difficult conversation, that is usually your body finishing something rather than falling apart.

Animals do it visibly. A creature that has been hunted and got away will shake hard for a while and then walk off as though nothing happened. In…

Five minutesYour nervous systemBody basedQur’an 94:3

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.